What a merry Christmas it is indeed ;)

DJ Earworm Mashup - United State of Pop 2011 (World Go Boom)




It's finally out!! ^^ Watch the above vid guys. And in case you're wondering where it is, you'll have to click the reed more button to see it ;) Good song (though I like Party on the Floor more)and theme for this year. If you don't think so, listen to it a couple more times; it'll grow on you, I promise. I think 2011 was summed up pretty good ;) Enjoy guys.

#74 I am excited for 2012 ^^

Two days before Christmas.

Christmas is so close!! Well, I don't know about you guys, but I had a pretty awesome day today. So full though... I don't remember the last time I was this fat..... I swear it looks like I have a baby bump ==" And to be prefectly blunt, it does NOT look flattering. Well, sorry to disappoint guys, but the short update is all you're getting since I have nothing interesting in my life going on at the moment to tell you ;) And to be frank, I don't feel like broadcasting every detail of my life. If you must know, you can waste your credit and text/call me. Lol, that should put you off ;P



#73 When my cousins and I used take on the characters of the Teletubbies, I was Po (the red one). Oh, the good times they were....

Free by Pete Murray

As far as you know, you will make the distance Even if everything is falling down, But don't lose that vision And don't lose your courage Until you are standing right here with me now I want you, to stand up and fight every moment with me For the truth, it's your love Your destiny that I see In my shoes, so tell me when do you wanna be free? Only you can tell me And high on emotion, has been a killer for days It's wearing you out until you slowly fade Where is that needle, or that damaging blade It's cutting you up until it empties your gauge I want you, to stand up and fight every moment with me For the truth, it's your love Your destiny that I see In my shoes, so tell me when do you wanna be free? Only you can tell me Hold on, hold that tight Colors on or color blind Talking how sweet the ride Dumb is gone into your life I, I want you, to stand up and fight every moment with me For the truth, it's your love Your destiny that I see In my shoes, so tell me when do you wanna be free? Only you can tell me When do you wanna be I, I want you, to stand up and fight every moment with me For the truth, it's your love Your destiny that I see In my shoes, so tell me when do you wanna be free? When do you wanna be free? When do you wanna be free? When do you wanna be free? When do you wanna be free?

This is good music, guys. The rare good and meaningful music amongst all the junk that's praised while real music is overlooked.

#72 I frequently wonder where all the good musicians have gone.

My grandma is so cool...?

So I hear a loud burst of music coming from another room in the house and recognise it straight away. Turns out my grandma is watching Dream High. And on top of that, it's in viet. This is somehow worse than last time, when she watched Playful Kiss. You know, it might okay if the disc had korean dub and english subs, but no, it doesn't. Whyyyy!?!?!?!?! I hate viet dubs of anything. Actually I don't like listening to Vietnamese in general. No offense guys. I mean V :P It just sounds really rough and annoying. Yesh, that is my personal opinion. So my opinion on my grandmother watching the same teen dramas as me is that it's actually really weird... It's so awkward.... Especially in this case since it's about music and dance. She's gunna interpret the drama wrong!!! I swear, she will. She does that all the time cos she's deaf but won't admit it when I say so and won't believe me when I tell her the story isn't what she thinks. Yes.... time for me to endure another difficult time....

#71 I'm one of those people who shout at the comp/TV screen. You know what I mean. Like when there's one character who's doing something really stupid and makes the biggest mistake of their life. Or when you know what's going to happen when they open the door and you're shouting at them not to, but they do it cos they're stupid. It's like that.

Hey guys, if you want to read the whole post, you'll have to click on the stupid 'Reed more' button...

Well, I haven't posted in long long time, have I? Guess what? It's almost the end of the term!!! ^^ I am so excited. There's so much I'm looking forward to. It's gunna be so awesome. Gotta have as much fun as I can this holiday before year 11 starts and then it's all work and no play ;) Time to embrace summer with activities like swimming, cycling, walking, taking a lot a lot of photos, and having fun. I think you get my point about having a very fun break from school.

Wow, one year has gone by so quickly. Unbelieveable. You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town! ^^ Yesh, that's right. Time to get into the Christmas spirit guys. Thinking back, Christmas really did seem like a magical time of the year when I was little. But now, well it's still pretty special. Just not what it used to be. Well, things change - all I can say.

Drama time!! Omg, Forensic Heroes!! ^^ Sooooooo good. Just finished watching it. I really hope there's another series. Really really really want there to be another series. Bad news is that I don't have another drama to watch.... Tried to watch Tokyo Juliet, but it's kinda boring.... Plus the video quality isn't that great. Gotta find a good drama to watch.. Any suggestions guys?

#70 I really like Japanese food.

New Layout

I hate how the new layout says "reed more". That is not how you spell read.... It's pissing me off...

#69 This Time...

...I'm giving it all I got.

Just a Thought

#68 To be completely honest, I'm scared. I'm afraid of what tomorrow will bring. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid that the worse might happen. Well, to be more exact, dreading what is expected. Don't you reckon there are too many 'what ifs'? What if this happened? What if that never happened? What if this turns out differently? There are too many uncertainties. Is this where things start to fall apart? Or is it just the beginning of a new chapter? I think I've finally thought something through: the future isn't in our hands. Things mightn't turn out the way you hoped, but when the time comes, all you can do face the truth. And sometimes the truth hurts. But when it's over, you'll realise that what you're left with is positives outweighing negatives. It's psychology, I'd have to admit. And it's difficult to find the bright side when you're in pain. But it's always there. It just depends on how badly you want to see it. You might tell yourself that you wish there were a bright side, but the truth is, you're subconsciously telling yourself that there isn't one. You're not truly willing to open your heart to the hurt and then let it go. There are no do-overs in life. The time you spend dwelling on something you can't change is the time you could've spent being happier. Don't you reckon we take tomorrow for granted? We put things off, saying we'll do it tomorrow. We put so much emphasis on the future that we lose our today. Well, I think I'm going to try living in the now starting today. I shall make the best out of what I can do now, in the present.

Appearance Is Everything

Taller.
Prettier.
Skinnier.
Long hair.
Flawless skin.
Curvy in all the right places.
Pink cheeks.
Cuter.
Hot.
Everything I'm not:
That girl.


Why do appearances count?
Why do people judge by appearance?
Why must people discriminate on laying eyes on someone?
Why is it love at first sight?
Why does society put so much pressure on looks?
Why does it influence us so much?
Why can we not love how we look?
Why must we always find the need to achieve the 'ideal'?



#67 I loved Humphrey Bear.

I'm Gunna Miss You Longer...

One year goes by really fast doesn't it. I hate how much I'm reminiscing. It makes you feel old cos you realise how much you've been through and how much things can change in the matter of seconds. I would really prefer this post to not be serious and all so I'll keep it simple:

One year since Grandpa passed, yesterday. Felt pretty down yesterday but it was a nice day so I should've smiled more. Well, we've all been pretty busy I guess. That's part of the reason why time passes so quickly. I can see why people always want more hours in a day. Wells, enough about that.

Sorry guys. Don't ask why; I just am. I simply want to take this chance to apologise for all the wrongs I've done and all the hurt I've caused. And for all the times when you've been feeling down and lonely, I'm sorry for not realising or being there. But from now on, I will try to notice more and be more considerate. Because no matter how much we all want to remain little kids forever, at some point we've got to grow up, face reality, and realise that the world won't stop turning just for us, even if it's just for a moment.

Following the depressing mood I was in yesterday, I was pretty down this morning as well. I felt like being a loner and decided not to plan on a taking a specific train with friends. I spent the whole of the trip to Stratty with my earphones in. Now I'd like to admit that it was a surprise to see J, V, and E on the platform waving me to get off. In fact, it was so unexpected that I froze for a moment in time.The feeling was strange. And then I could feel the smile suddenly spread across my face as I woke up from the loneliness. So I get off and begin a brand new day. What made it even more special was when J spots M walking up the platform. At that time, I still hadn't noticed something really important. I noticed when the five of us were sitting across from each other in the carriage. Looking at the people sitting around me and thinking back on how the trip turned out, I realised how great life is. I re-realised how lucky I am to have such awesome friends. This sounds really cheesy and all but yeh. I just gotta say it. To remind you guys of how amazing you are. And how important you guys are to me. You guys made my day.



#66 I really love cheese.

もういい。。

When all you want to do is scream,

let it out..

it's a secret.

#65 Shhhh,

That Kind of Feeling

#64 I'm scared of those stairs with gaps in between each step.

The Unexpected

What to do when procrastinating? -- YouTube.
What to YouTube? -- FSHS ;)
What do you expect to find? -- previous flops
What do you unexpectedly find? -- the strangest videos. LOL

Seriously, you would've never seen this coming. So just to name some of the funny, weird and awesome videos I found...

• 2008 year 8 fail japanese basketball video. This one was definitely unexpected. The vid revolved around poor little Erol getting bullied. And by who of all people? You'd expect some bigger and older kid, right? But no. It was someone with cute bouncy mushroom hair ;) Some may say he's annoying, funny, stupid etc. Any guesses? Yup, it's LV! And the other bullies were NL and someone else. Can't remember cos I probs watched too many vids... But yeh, I found it pretty funny. But not funny funny. It was stupid funny. If you know what I mean...



• Flops. I would have to say I absolutely love love love the flop vids. And they just keep getting better. I wonder what ours is gunna be like. Not too far away now... Anyways, they were really funny. And entertaining.



• Fortrix Reloaded. Btw, these aren't listed in any particular order. Just listing them as I recall them. This one was pretty good at some points... Liked the comments in the video ^^



• Hungry Jacks Parody. Love love love this one. So funny ^^ You can tell it was filmed in Burwood but yeh, that's irrelevant. I kinda wanna try this. Seems fun, lol. But there'd definitely be lots of WTF?'s flying around.



• Nooby Bboy Battle. This one was pretty cool. Kinda recognised the people but not really.. Lol, that didn't make much sense. But yeh, think some other people we know can do better :)



• NL's YouTube channel. Randomly came across it. Though it had something interesting since it said FSHS, but it turned out to be just a shuffling vid dedicated to people... Yeh, then I randomly decidedly to see his other vids. I should really find something better to do than to sound like a stalker..

NB: I AM NOT A STALKER (just so we're clear on that)

Didn't do much today. Thought I had more to do but I've been procrastinating. Well, I did try to come up with some deas for commerce... But yeh. I think our current idea is good. But that shall remain a secret ;) Woke up so late this morning. If I was religious, I'd have so much trouble getting out of bed to go to Church. This just occurred to me-- are you supposed to capitalise the 'c' in church like you do for the 'g' in God? No, right? Idk, it just looks weird. Anywho, went to DFO today and then to Grandpa's memorial. The flowers look really pretty and Grandpa's garden is starting to grow some pretty beautiful plants. Can't believe it's almost a year. So much has happened. Even though it seems so normal to not have him around anymore, I still miss him as much as I did this time last year. Well, this is life. People come and go..




#63 Worst horror movie: Chucky. This follows on from the idea that I'm awfully creeped out by those dolls that seem so real. After watching this movie, it magnified my fear. The dolls come to life and try to kill you - that's the basic idea. But it is soo much worse when you're watching it, I swear.

Deleted

Was going to write about last week when my family went to Floriade but can't be bothered anymore.

I swear J is right about me having child dimentia. I'm forgetting things so much these days. Well I've always had an, at times, okay memory. But now that I think about it, it seems like it's getting worse. I can barely remember being in science 3 last year. Can only remember little snippets here and there. Can you name all the people in your year 6 class?? I can't. Can you name all the people in your year 8 VA class? I can't. Can you remember the second verse of the national anthem? I am sad to admit this, but I can't. Wells, enought about that.

Daylight saving is screwing me over. First I get less sleep and wake up with the sun already high in the sky. Then the sun just seems like it loves me too much to go away. I know I know. I'm pretty awesome, and I can see why even something as great as the sun doesn't want to leave my side. Lol. Okay. Seriously, though. I'm getting so confuzzled about the time. Like right now, it's around seven and the sun is still pretty high for this time of night. It's great that there's more sunshine though. I feel so alive!! Lol. It seems like there's so much more time to do things. Though technically, it's the same..

So a few days ago, I started watching Ouran HS Host Club. The drama version. Watched the anime before and thought it was okay. I was curious about how they'd portray the characters in a drama so I watched it. Then I realised that the series isn't complete yet. So I wasn't bothered waiting for the next one to come out so I can continue. Yeh, I give up on dramas if I have to wait for them to come out. Unless it's super super super epic. So then I started watching Dream High. Watched the first ep and thought it seemed pretty good. So I decided that I'd continue watching it. Haven't watched it since then, lol. After watching the first ep, I randomly decided to read through the drama ranking and then came across Nodame Cantabile. Yeh, I kinda got addicted to that one. It's so funny and the things the characters do are so stupid. But yeh, I like that one. It's definitely up there amongst my favourites. Omg, the musicians are sooooooooo good. If only I had half the skills they do. But yeh, it's really good. If you want a good laugh, I'd definitely recommend it.

Holidays were kinda ruined by home work and commerce assigment. I know I said I was going to read To Kill a Mockingbird. But somehow, it completely slipped my mind. I wonder what I was doing.. Can't imagine what could've kept me from doing this... Yeh, was watching Nodame Cantabile while working on commerce assignment. I told myself I was going to start the assignment during the last week of school last term. Never did. However, I did finish it on time. And I didn't have to stay up late to finish it ^^ Yay me!

Noooooooooooooooo!!!! School tomorrow. Two weeks of holidays always go by so fast... I wanna sleep in more... I wanna stay up late more... I wanna drama more.... I wanna be lazy more... Lol, I sound like such a couch potato. Nooooooo, don't wanna be a couch potato. Okay, well I'm also glad that holidays over. Time to welcome term four with a great big pedophilic smile!! Hahas. Time to get serious. Lol, jks. Time to enjoy the last term of year ten. Lots of things happening this term even though exams are over. We have SC, leadership camp, formal, year 11 and 12 courses begin, parties etc. Well, I'm looking forward to this term.

Omg, Moves Like Jagger has been stuck in my head for days!! Song on repeat all day long. Help?? It's so catchy and just makes you wanna get up and dance. Lol, I don't dance <--- Not a high school musical reference ;) Speaking of high school musical, I haven't seen it in aaages. Can't really remember the movies much. Can't really remember the song either. Though I do have to admit that there were some really pretty songs there. Don't understand why everyone keeps dissing it. It took time and effort to write the music and choreograph the dances. At least acknowledge that much if you're a hater.




#62 Dolls scare me. This is mainly those porcelain dolls that look so life-like and those dolls that have those eyelids that close when you lay them down.

A Feast for the Senses

Time for a family road trip!! ^^ Floriade 2011 here we come. Haven't been to Floriade in so long. Used to go almost every year. I still have so many photos from previous years. Can't wait to go this time. Mainly cos it's a great photo opportunity and it brings back great memories. Isn't Spring a wonderful time of the year?? Wells, the above is a photo taken from the officical website. It's a pic of one of the light displays that are on. Tomorrow's the last night of NightFest. Really wanna go but we can't stay that late... I guess there isn't really much I wanna do at NightFest besides looking at the lights and taking lots and lots of photos. And then it'd be a waste of money... Oh, maybe ride the ferris wheel and take in the night view of the place. Omg, the photos on the website look soooooooo good.. Well, it'd have to be a clear and warm night for the lights to look great. Apparently, there's this show where all the light displays are used to imitate rainfall. It's supposed to accompanied by thunder and all. I really wanna see it. It might not sound so great from what I'm saying. But if you take a look at the website, you'll know what I mean. They make it sound sooooooo good. Well, that's the whole point. But yeah.





#61 I love love love night views of lights and shizz. Only ever been on a ferris wheel once. And that was a small one during the day. Really wanna go on a big one at night and see the pretty lights..

T^T

I woke up late. Very late. I woke up at midday.... Wth, right? Overslept sooooo much. Can't remember the last time I slept in till that late. As a result of sleeping too much, I had to deal with a slight headache. But that was okay because it wasn't as bad as the other headaches I usually get. Well, I kinda just wasted another day of holidays. Ate brekky at 1pm while reliving my childhood by watching Sesame Street, Connie the Cow, Louie, Thomas and Friends, etc. They killed Sesame Street. They killed the puppets and turned them into clay animations. What is this!?!?!?! It's terrible. Almost as bad as what they did to Bananas in Pajamas T^T Talking about pajamas, did you know that the Indians invented the pajamas. But apparently, only the bottoms are called pajamas. Yeh, the pants; not the shirt... No, I'm not so much a retard as to google the history of pajamas.... Seriously, no.

Lalalala lalalala, Elmo's world. I wonder if they'd ever find someone to replace Mr Noodle. You know, the guy behind Shade? The guy who does these really embarassing things and always gets things wrong? Yeh... Omg, I love love love ELMO!!!!! He's so cute. And they kept him as a puppet ^^ Oh yeah, there was an article a while back talking about Bert and Ernie being gay. Yeh, people suspect two children characters of being homosexual. Why do people have to ruin the innocence of children shows by thinking dirty??

Somehow ended up watching Titanic. Only ever watched Titanic one other time. And that was when I was really little. So I didn't remember much. So suddenly decided to watch it today. SO SAD!!!!! Thought it was a bit boring in the beginning. But then things got better as the movie went on. Saddest is when they were freezing in the water and they say all those things. And then Jack dies T^T There went my box of tissues. Puffy eyes. Runny nose. Bin half-full. But I kinda thought Kate Winslet looked a bit too old for Leonardo DiCaprio at the time. He looked so young in that movie. And pretty hot ;) Kate Winslet? She's still ever so pretty. Why are celebrities so pretty??





#60 My Heart Will Go On was the first English song I knew all the lyrics to.

Unplanned

I was planning to do a lot more than what I had actually got done today. I wanted to at least start on commerce, take some really good photos, practice piano for a good few hours, and possibly start a new drama. However, the day started with me waking up rather early and then going out to take photos. I kinda lost track of time and got a little too carried away with my camera. Spent two hours outside. Then procrastinated doing I don't know what (and I can't be bothered remembering).

Piano lesson got moved earlier just for today because my teacher had something going on. So I left my house at 5.30pm, thinking that if the traffic wasn't good, I'd have to wait ages just to cross it. Turned out the traffic was terrible, and I barely made it across the road alive!! Stupid speeding drivers.. I swear everyone road rages so much these days. Jeez, no need to piss yourself. Gosh, and they make it seem like it's my fault they almost ran over someone... Hahas. Well, when I got there eventually, I really thought I was late. But then I heard someone playing inside so I knew I wasn't. So I waited outside, thinking that they'd only be a while longer. I waited for 15mins... Turned out that the person before me was 25mins late for a 30min lesson... Yeh, wth right? Anyways, started learning a new piece today. Played it with my teacher and it sounded really good. Looking forward to learning the whole thing and being able to play it by myself.

Oh, changed my layout. Kinda got bored of the old one cos it was so grey and gloomy. Plus, it's Spring now, so something brighter should be used. Well, here it is.

Btw, does anyone use Skype?? I lost my old account and stopped using it a while ago. Made a new account today so if the people who do use Skype would be so kind as to provide me with the email that they're using. Thanks ^^ Okay, I doubt that many of you actually use it... Oh wells.

Oh, shall read To Kill a Mockingbird this holidays. I'm sure I'll find the time. Plus, it's a good book so I should have no problem with keeping my interest in it. I must also read the second book to Walking Chaos. Since I've only read about halfway into it and gave up because it's not in proper English. I think it's also because this one isn't as good as the first so... Yeh, I lose interest. But I shall strive to read it entirely and enjoy it.

Well, that's all I have to say today. Oh yeah, one more thing. M, can I pretty please come kidnap you from your cousin's place?? Pleeeeease?




#59 My first CD was Big Big World by Emilia. I apparently watched a TVB drama when I was little and fell in love with one of the songs in it. My aunty looked everywhere to find the CD for me ^^

Dj Kaori - Sayonara

Randomly came across this song. Thought it sounded pretty good so I thought I'd be nice and and share. Because sharing is caring. And I care about you guys, I think ;P Even though I know that none of you are actually going to be bothered to watch it. So you know what? I don't need you to care anyways XP I'm fine with not sharing :P Lol, jks. I love my crazy, goofy, stupid, gorgeous, weird, lame, socially challenged friends ;P


First actual day of the holidays. Haven't posted in a while. Haven't been on the comp for a while....

5cm per second: the speed at which cherry blossoms fall. That was my last post on my old blog, I think. Still stand by it though. It's sad that these things happen. It's sad when friends turn into strangers. When one day you could be inseparable. But then in time, start to fall out.

Time: the greatest theif. It changes things. Heals wounds. Tears people apart. Changes people.


I hate technology. I mean, don't get me wrong. Technologic advancement is great in the sense that it makes our live easier and everything so much more efficient. But it's killing us slowly. It's come to a point where we rely on technology to survive. Some people can't even be themselves unless they're on the computer. And that's the thing. It's sad to see that people can no longer maintain good conversations face to face. People begin to find it harder and harder to talk to people. People lost and confused, searching for their true identity. I don't like reading about a friend's life on the internet. I'm the kind of person who likes to have face to face conversations. Even if it is awkward. Talking face to face has a different feel, sincerity, and sense of connection to it. After all, talking is our way of communication and connection. A way to let others understand how we feel. This reminds me of primary school. When they taught us that communication was all about body language, facial expression and tone. That's how we express ourselves. None of this is captured through blogs and msn. And so people start misunderstanding each other. People lose their ability to communicate properly. Communication disintegrates. And we fall apart. It's such a shame. People falling out this way. It's definitely something one would never hope for.


Goal for holidays: take the opportunity that Spring has given me to explore my garden with my camera ^^ Haven't picked up my camera for a while. Maybe go out and take in the season. That is after I take Zyrtec... Wow, just realised how many times I said take... Actually, not that many times... Okay, silly me. Omg, I swear I'm gunna turn into a couch potato. I just spent yesterday and today sitting on the couch watching Live of Ommision and snacking like there was no tomorrow ==" Someone please help me!! Don't wanna die of diabetes or heart attack... Sorry V, I know we're diabetes buddies but I don't wanna die so soon ;)



She's walking in the dark - alone
She calls out into the abyss,
Nothing.
Her eyes fail her.
Her voice fades.
Each step she takes leads to nothingness.


The ground slips from beneath her
And she falls.
She's weightless.
Noone can save her; No one wants to.
Forever falling in a place with no time...








#58 I love love love Pooh Bear. My mum tells me that when I was little, I was chubby like Pooh Bear... I like her comparison ^^

Bad Idea

Sitting here at the comp with a headache. Why? Because I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean for more than four hours. Now I kind of regret it... Seriously guys, don't try it. No matter how good it is, don't give in to temptation. Oh, but it was soooooo good. The feeling of watching one movie which follows on from the previous makes it seems like one long movie all together. I hate how one movie can take so long to make. Like how the lastest came out more than three years after the previous? I dunno. Well, the point is, by the time I watch the newest one, I can't remember where the last one left us, and then the movie doesn't make as much sense as it would if I had remembered. So today, I finally understood every aspect of the series. I think Pirates may actually be my favourite series... But then there's also Fast and Furious, and Die Hard.... Okay, can't choose... *sigh*


Just wondering, is anyone going to the Kpop Music Fest?? Wanted to go. But yeh, just wondering.


Last week of schooooooooool ^^ It doesn't feel like another term has gone by. Almost term 4. Time goes by so quickly when you're busy... Or if you'd like to look at it from another perpective, time flies when you're having fun. I like the second one more. Because it allows for me to delude myself into thinking that I've had a great unstressful term full of fun and games. Speaking fo games, let's play a game. I really wanna play an intense game of cops and robbers at the school at night. It'd be so hectic. Reminds me of School Rumble. It'd be so awesome if school was like that.

So I was reading through my past diary entries the other day and noticed how stupid I sound. Just like when you finally decide to go through all your childhood stuff and find a whole heap of crap, and you think Heyyyy, I remember this... Yeh, kinda like that. Except you also think Wow, that's stupid. So that's I felt when I was looking through my own writing. I think there are always going to be times when you think back and realise how stupid something was. Just like how I always wrote "If lost, please return to " on my diary. As if my diary would make it out of my room. And why would anyone bother picking up a diary and wasting their own money to send someone their diary? But yeh. I guess my point is, there are always going to be tough times which accompany great memories. But one day, you'll look back on it and you 'll laugh at it all, whether it be good or bad. So enjoy every moment as it comes.




#57 I am afraid of those drains that are like a huge gap on the side of the road.

Paper Cut

The past few days have been quite warm and Spring-like. So nicee ^^ It's not too cold when I get out of the shower anymore. And I can actually get out of bed without feeling the need to jump back under my covers. Isn't Spring nice? Well, it'd be all good if we didn't include hayfever. Hayfever sucks *sniff sniff*


So I was in the shower when I noticed I had this random cut on my finger. I always find random stuff on me. Like random bruises and cuts... It makes me wonder whether or not I sleep walk... Or sleep self-harm. Lol, jks. No way that's possible. Seriously. As if I would intentionally hurt myself. I think it's rather stupid to hurt yourself. What will you gain by inflicting pain upon yourself? Plus, I wouldn't be able to cut myself. I'd be too much of a coward to actually slice myself open intentionally. The thought of cutting myself makes me realise how incapable of actually doing it I am. So if you guys ever suspect I'm self harming, be assured that there's no way in hell I'd actually be doing it :)

So in love with Stay Here Forever again. It's such a good song. Love it to bits! ^^ Wells gunna go now since I don't have much to say. Oh, I'm kinda sick of this layout. It's so dark and yeh. I don't like it as much anymore. It's kinda boring. Think I will change it in the near future. I am such a good psychic. Seriously, just you watch. I will change it. I have a good feeling about this ;)








#56 I have never been on a rollercoaster.

Let the Rain Fall Down

Hurt - it's a disgusting thing, isn't it?
A blade that continuously spears and dissects
Your heart, rendering it non-functional.
The pain so unbearable you'd rather be butchered whole.


Time - it's a heartless eye, isn't it?
It mocks us, finds entertainment in our foolishness.
It tortures, slapping you with its hour and second.
This ugly place: nothing but a scrapbook of horrid scenes.


Tears - it's a strange thing, isn't it?
A friend we know too well.
A mother of forgiveness;
The seed of life.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.

*YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNN*
Hi guys.
I'm tired.
So sleepy. That's pretty much how I feel all the time lately. Dunno why. It's kinda annoying. I think this may be the first sign of turning into a couch potato... Wait, NOOOOOOOO!!! I don't wanna be a couch potato! I like my couch. And I like potatoes. But I don't like my potatoes on the couch... Okay that was weird.... Hahas, this reminds me of history today.


Walk with M this morning and then talk with J as well was pretty awesome. Lol, I know you're secret ;) *wink wink* Well, you know mine... Oh, is that a black and white blazer I see?? Lol, now that reminds me of my speech today. What crap that was. I must be hallucinating. I keep hearing and seeing things that aren't there. I should really get some help..



#55 I have always wanted a ceiling full of stars.

IchiRuki vs. IchiHime

Okay, so while I was procrastinating, I somehow got onto a page where some people expressed their opinions about Bleach couples. Most of them were all for IchiHime and said that they'd cry if Ichigo and Orihime didn't end up together. Very few thought the Rukia and Ichigo should be a couple. But seriously, I think Orihime is quite useless. I know I'm probs getting too fired up about this, but she's just there. Full stop. All she does is cry and occasionally saves the day. I think the whole purpose of her existence is to make viewers feel pity and sorrowful. Oh yeah, and I forget that it's meant to be shounen, so of course she's there. She's meant to be one of the attractive characters. That's right. But in all seriousness, I think the it should be IchiRuki ALLLLLLLL THE WAY BABY!!!! Ichigo and Orihime -- it just doesn't fit!! It would be the end of Soul Society and the human world if they got together. Well, I think that's enough about how much I dislike the idea of Orihime and Ichigo together.

Off to study ^^




#54 I used to have guinea pigs, budgies and a rabbit but I'm a terrible pet owner so they died... :(

Officially Missing You

Bin full of tissues, dry eyes, sore nose - the aftermath of reading The Notebook. I officially take back all the bad things I said about it. Yeh, the beginning was a little boring. And the middle was kinda just okay. But now, now I see what everyone was saying about the tragic story. Because the story isn't just about their forbidden love ;) I just couldn't stop crying T^T Couldn't go one page without wasting more than 5 tissues in the last part of the book. Can't remember the last time I cried that much while reading. This one will definitely be one of my favs for a while ^^

Right, well that's what I was doing while I should've probably been studying for the trials... Whoops... Too late to do that now ;) Not that I was purposely procrastinating or anything...

Why do I always get headaches on Saturdays?? Must be because my brain knows I have tutor and decides to sabotage my studies. Cousin's birthday party today. And I wasn't invited!! :( It was at a little kids playland. It's okay... I didn't want to go anyways.... Not like I would've like to go on the jumping castle... Or ride the giant slide.... Or climb through the mazes.... Or played in the pool of rainbow coloured plastic balls.... I'm fine with spending my day at tutor.... What's more fun than taking notes and solving x??

Started watching Mary Stayed Out All Night. But I wasn't really feeling it. So I decided not to watch it. Maybe I'll change my mind later. Probs will. So instead, I wanted to start watching a new anime. I was searching for something that seemed good. And I couldn't find one that sounded remotely interesting. I am disappointed. I truly am. Why are there so many about demons and half humans??? I am so sick of these. It just all seems the same now. Can't people come up with anything better? *Sigh* Considering starting Bleach again. But seriously wondering if it's worth it. Doubt it. Too many fillers.

So I was on the train the other day and I was looking at the new waratah train that they're testing at the place near Granville(?). Anyways, I noticed how new it looked and realised how technology is advancing so fast. It got me thinking about how much phones have changed in the last 5 years. And I remembered my first phone and my dad's old phone and M's old phone and yeh. All these old phones. And then I compared them in my mind to the ones I see now. TOUCH SCREENS. So many phones are now touch screens. Makes me wonder whether everything will be controlled by tough screens soon. Then a stranger's phone rings and brings me back to being insde the morning train. The ringtone was the same as my primary school teacher's one. Then I started reminscing. And then I realised how old I am. It's disgusting just thinking about it really... Anywho, as my train was passing the waratah train, I noticed how new it looked. That is until I saw all the dents in it. And then I thought of the people would do it. Why do people like vandalising?? It's stupid. Seriously, if it was at all meaningful, it might be excused. But it's just stupid people doing stupid things. Stupid people who do not appreciate the work, time, money and effort others have put into providing new trains that we could all enjoy. And really, I'm just this worked up about it cos I want a new train. Summer will be here soon. And if we still have to be tortured in those oven carraiges.... Cityrail. *sigh*

Well, off now.




#53 I love travelling.

I remember when rollercoaster used to be on the only abc channel. and and and the host, Eliot, used to say "DID YOU KNOW...!?!" in a really suspense voice for the segment "Did You Know?". Then he goes on about a whole lot of facts. Well, did you know...

- that the average male gets 3 boners a night?
- the "f word" is derived from the german word fuieken which means to strike?
- having sex can unblock your nose as it is a natural antihistamine and can help combat asthma and hay fever?
- men change their mind two to three times more often than women?
- all babies are colour blind when they are born?
- girls have more tastebuds than boys?
- most dreams last only 5-20 minutes?
- 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man?
- a snail can sleep for three years?
- an albatross can sleep while it flies?
- cold water weighs more than hot water?
- it is possible to see a rainbow at night?
- bananas are grown on herbs, not trees, and are therefore not a fruit, but a herb?
- almonds are a member of the peach family?
- it takes about a week to make a jelly bean?
- McDonald's salads contain up to 60% more fat than their burgars?
- peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite?

Well, that's enough facts for now.




#52 I love love love cheese.

Thankyouu for the pressie, J!!!I

Enough said.



#51 I think Justin Bieber isn't that bad. He can sing. But I don't particularly like him either.

Download Spree

Yup, I am satistfied... for now :) Just finished my download spree, yay ^^

So I started having a headache last night and it was all good when I was sleeping. Then I got another headache this morning. Thought it would go away but no. It was being a pain, literally. And I had to fight it with super special magic Panadol powers to defeat its evil plans to make me fail the geo test. Yeh, it wasn't as hard as I thought it was. And just in case I don't do too well, I won't say that it was really easy. Because I don't want to look like an idiot if I comeback with a bad score ;)

I learnt how to skate without lifting my skates off the ice!! ^^ So happy about this accomplishment, hahas. Was laughing and clapping my hands so much cos I was so happy I could do it now. Still feeling pretty happy about that.

I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold, I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soouuul~

Anyways, I got really upset about someone. And I don't know what to do. I hate seeing this person like this and it really hurts to see what they're doing to themself. I wish they could see how perfect they are and just how much we love and care about them..

Oh no! Headache is back again.... What to do?? Is there something wrong with me? What's with all these headaches? Not enough sleep? But I've gone to bed really early for the past few nights.. Ugh, I'll just bear with it. Relying on drugs can't be good. So I think I'll stay away from the box sitting in the cupboard. I'm surprised by how much free time I have today. I usually have most of my time occupied with doing something. Today, it's like I have the whole afternoon to do anything I want. But sadly, time flies when you're having fun :( Okay, now I'm suspecting I forgot I had something to do... *think think think* Nope, can't think of anything. Oh, I'd do a birthday shout out to AL but he doesn't read my blog so yeh... Now, I can't think of anything.

Mmmh, must remember to call someone berry special tomorrow ;) Nope, it's not you Rawrr :P Someone else whom I love dearly. Sadly, it's not Jesse McCartney either because he's very busy. Also there's a certain legal document that doesn't allow me to make any form of contact with him... Jks. No one has filed a restraining order against me. Or at least none that I know of. Did YOU secretly file one against me?? Okay okay, I seriously have to get a life and find something better to do than to sit here at my comp blogging. Raise your hand if you know the numbness you get from sitting on your feet at the computer. Yeh, I hate that feeling. But I can't help not doing that cos my feet are often cold when I'm sitting here. Gahh, it feels so uncomfortable. I think it's worse than feeling cold. But the warmth from sitting on my feet make the numbness all worth it in the end ;)

Yes, I have finally run out random crap to talk about. Have a good night guys :)





#50 My first celebrity crush was Jesse McCartney<3 Yer, that's why I've been going a bit high lately; my love for him has reignited ;)

Sick Yet Again

Terrible. Sluggish. Uncomfortable. Sneezy. Cough-ish. Dry. Don't wanna go to school tomorrow... I want a hot water bottle... I want to stay in bed all day. I wanna sleeeeeep ^^ Uninterrupted sleep. Sleep, during which I am able to breathe properly. Ugh, can't even breathe when I'm awake...



#49 I hate cricket.

I've Been Here All Along by Elle Fredrix

He’d expected this. He’d even hoped for it. But he still felt a twinge of — pity. She’d been stood up. Again. Here she sat, alone in an upscale restaurant, dressed in her favourite little black dress.

Kevin watched her reflection in a mirror and saw the sigh that gusted out of Catherine’s mouth and ruffled her hair as she sat back in her chair, closing her eyes.

It was time to make his move.

Before she became aware of his presence behind her, he cupped the back of her neck, his thumb caressing her just under her left ear. He felt her pulse leap, saw a smile burst across her face as she turned to look back over her shoulder. Kevin stepped up beside her and watched as her smile died.

Yanking herself away from his touch, she frowned at him. “What’re you doing here?”
Kevin just gave her a long-suffering look. Then, jerking his head, he said, “Come on. Let’s go.”
Catherine hunched a shoulder and turned her head away. “Get lost. I don’t need you to rescue me.”

He glanced at the two empty water bottles sitting before her and pulled a bill out of his wallet to leave on the table. Then he stood there for a moment, gazing at the top of her head, his mind juggling the usual spank her or kiss her debate. Under his breath, he said, “Yes, you do. And this time I’m going to do it right.”

In one way or another, he’d been rescuing her since they were kids, and she’d always resented it. Whether as a pre-pubescent tomboy, or the swan she’d evolved into, she’d been diving headfirst into catastrophes and he’d been reeling her out. And though until just recently — he hoped — she’d viewed him as nothing more than a bothersome big brother, he’d never considered her a sister.

Kevin’s problem was that every time he’d tried to tell her how he felt, he’d muck it up, the result being she’d never believed him.

He reached down and started to pull her chair out from the table, the muscles of his arm flexing.
She didn’t surprise him. True to form, Catherine was stubborn and tried to dig her feet in, but after a brief struggle she must have realized it was pointless. With a sigh, she let him help her up and followed him out of the restaurant. They walked for a block without speaking, but he had no problem reading her thoughts. She had an expressive face, and he’d been translating it for years.

Before long he was unlocking the passenger door of his car. “Come on. Get in.”
She pulled away from him, then turned and lifted her head and looked into his eyes, still not saying anything.

Kevin felt his lips twitch. “What? Still mad at me?”

She settled her butt back against the side of his car and shook her head, a sad look on her face. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at Mark. Mad at myself — or at least disgusted with myself.” His heart clenched as tears began to roll down her face. “What’s wrong with me, Kevin? Why is it so hard for me to find someone who will care about me once in a while, instead of thinking only of himself? Someone who can remember which night of the week is my night, and which night is the night with the guys.”

Taking a step forward, she settled herself against his body, her arms around his waist, the side of her face resting on his throat. His chin came down, and using it, he gently rubbed the top of her head while his arms surrounded her in a gesture of comfort and protection. Their movements were fluid and natural, as if they’d stood like this many times before. They had.

Catherine mumbled into the bare flesh beneath her mouth, “If you crack a joke, or make fun of me, I swear I’ll bite you.”

Kevin cupped the back of her head, pulled back, and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “It wouldn’t be the first time, would it? All right, no jokes, no making fun. Come on. Get in the car. Everything will be okay. I promise.”

Frowning up at him, Catherine said, “I have my own car here.”

Lightly squeezing her head, he said, “Kitty Cat, I told you to get in the car. Now get in!”

Wrenching herself out of his hands, nearly hissing like the cat he’d just called her, she said, “Don’t call me that! And how many times have I told you, you are not the boss of me!”

Grinning, he replied, “I’ve lost count. But I do remember that you were six years old the first time you said it.”

Grumbling, crossing her arms over her chest and staying her ground, she said, “For all the good it’s done me.”

Exasperated, Kevin said, “Fine, I didn’t want to do this here, but you leave me no choice.” With that, he pushed her back against the car, using the weight of his pelvis to hold her there, letting her feel one facet of his desire, but knowing he had to make her understand the extent of it. With a deep breath, he said, “You’ve been a part of my life since you were six, and I was eight. So I can speak with authority and say there is nothing wrong with you, Cat.” He paused. “I wanted to drive you to the park near where we lived when we were kids. I was fourteen years old the first time I told you I wanted to marry you, and that’s where we were. Since then I’ve told you four times. And each time, it was in that park.”

He felt her gasp and heard the wobble in her voice as she said, “I told you no jokes. You’re making fun of me again.”

Kevin leaned his forehead on hers. “Sweetheart, it’s never been a joke. But the way I feel about you scares me, so every time I tried to tell you I deliberately made it sound like I was teasing. But I was serious, even when I was fourteen. Every time, I was standing there with my heart in my palms, offering it to you.”

Catherine put her hands on his chest and pushed him away, looking up into his face. “What are you saying?”

He swallowed around his heart, which had taken up lodging in his throat. “I guess I still haven’t said it, have I? I love you, Cat. I want you to be my wife. And lately I’ve been thinking that, just maybe, you love me too.”

She punched him on the shoulder and then yelled in his face. “You moron! Of course I love you. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Laughing, Kevin grabbed her fist, and then pulled her tightly to him. Lowering his mouth to hers, he said, “I’ve been asking you to marry me since I was fourteen! What more do you want?”

The End




#48 I like 80s and 90s music.

Beautiful Girl

Life is full of beauty. It is the life that surrounds us. It is the air we breathe. It is in our souls. But most importantly, it is in you. I cannot cease to emphasise that beauty is not in the face, but a light in the heart.

Recently, I've been really down about, well, me. I can't seem to figure out who I am, and have been quite self-conscious about how I look. I hate what I've done to myself. Because I have never considered myself pretty and always admired how beautiful my friends are, I always felt bad about myself. And I'm pretty stupid because what I do to myself next doesn't help. In fact, it only makes it worse. I binge eat when I'm upset. This has been a bad habit which probably started when I first felt negative about my appearance (I blame the society in which we live). I kept doing this to myself when I was little. I've complained about how fat I am and how horrible my skin is when really I'm just a stupid crybaby. I used to have soft and smooth skin. But because I binge, I have made myself eat unhealthily, made myself fat, and made my skin look terrible. I have no one else to blame but myself. And so I should stop complaining and crying so easily.

Today was tiring. Everyone was sooo beautiful. Actually felt pretty when SH complimented me. But when I got back to the gym, all trace of confidence left me. And like always, whenever I feel uncomfortable, I run away. I hid in my shell where it was safe. And it's during those times that I really do wish I was a little turtle with my own shell that I can tuck myself into. I hate how I always compare myself to others. Why can't I love myself for who I am? How can I expect people to love me when even I don't love me.

So I got home today, cried to my heart's content, took a shower and looked myself in the mirror. "It doesn't matter". "My friends love me for who I am". "You have to power to change". "Love yourself". And I don't know why I suddenly thought of my math tutor, but I remembered what she said last Saturday. I'm the happy girl, she said. I'm the girl that has a good laugh about anything. I haven't heard this for a long time. And for a while now, I've forgotten that that is me. She has no idea how happy that made me feel. I feel like I've found a piece of myself again. I've found the me that I loved. And suddenly, I don't feel as bad as I did a moment ago.

Good news guys ^^ I've thought things through. And I think I've found myself. The old me that would say life's too short! why torture yourself with sadness and anger when you can let go of everything and just be free? Heidi, I have missed you. Lol, talking to myself. Heyy, it's like deja vu. I remember writing that before, hahas. Anyways, my goal is to one day love myself so much that I believe that I am beautiful. Just as beautiful as my amazing friends.

Talking about amazing friends. I LOVE YOU, J!!!!!! Only just read what you posted on my wall. You made me cry :) Why the smiley face?? Because they were tears of joy. Because I felt loved. Because you caught me off guard. Thank you <3 And I want you to know that I think you're beautiful. Both on the outside and on the inside. And that's what makes you perfect. And M, I want you to know that you're beautiful. Like J, both on the outside and more importantly on the inside. Well, not literally on the inside, cos that ain't pretty at all :S I love you guys no matter what, and seeing you guys beat yourself up on your appearance makes me feel helpless. The both of you are two of the most beautiful people I know. The others being the other silly girls I call my friends ^^ The same goes for all of you. Love you guys to bits ^^




#47 I like ABBA.

False Truths

Things are never as they appear. There are always two sides to a story. Do not be too quick to judge someone because you might just end up regretting it. Do not assume things because you might just end up hurting yourself. Do not jump to conclusions because you might just end up hurting someone you love. Do not believe everything you hear because it might just be lies. Unnecessary pain and unnecessary humiliation.




#46 I once wanted to be an anthropologist.

Make A Wish~

Wishlist to make your life easier ^^

- 16 balloons of different designs filled with helium
- Jack in a box ;P
- These shoes: http://www.converse.com.au/products/star-player-canvas-31558.html
- One of these watches: http://www.swatch.com/zz_en/watches/ss2011_corecollection.html (Menthol Tone- LK292G, Soft Sky- LS111C, Berry Sorbet- LV114C)
- Something memorable, one of a kind, meaningful
- Sheet music for pretty piano pieces (not too difficult to play)
- Stuff I can't be bothered to go out buying (biology textbook, folders, staples for my smiggle stapler, hot water bottle, lip balm)
- A good drama/movie on disc
- Something yummy ^^
- Something hand-made
- Money should be the your last resort ;)
- The Colour of Tea by Hannah Tunnicliffe
- To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
- Toys by James Patterson
- The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
- The Messenger by Markus Zusak
- 8GB Video HD SD card
- Something out of the ordinary, funny, cool, weird, awesome
- SURPRISE ME!

NOTE:
PLEASE DO NOT GIVE ME CHOCOLATE. I know I love it, but I also know that it's bad for me. So do not give it to me unless you want to make me fat. And then I'll know who wants to fatten me up and your evil schemes to eat me will be ruined ;P




#45 I have stage fright.

Parting Song

And so the first week of term 3 has ended. Today was not a great day. It was crap. I felt crap. Stupid Cityrail. The only good thing about today was the amount of rain I got to listen. Almost the whole day of rain ^^ Bad thing: it was cold. Freezing. Except in the morning, but that was only because of the jog. Couldn't really concentrate on anything today. My mind was just off somewhere for several hours. Didn't do much during chem and eng. Really wanted maths today. I really wouldn't have minded having maths the whole day today. Is there something wrong with me? There is right? Hmmm, Cohen was squishy. Not squishy as in there were too many people in there. But squishy as in the carpet was soaked and when you walked on it, it was squishy... It was a strange feeling to set you foot down on it.

I don't know anymore.
I hate not knowing.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what's real;
I don't know what's not.
But what I do know,
Is that I can't keep thinking about this...
Only, I can't.
And it's slowly tearing me apart.


Absolutely love love love Will by Yuki Kajiura. Reminds of Pandora Hearts and makes me want to watch it again. It was a really good anime ^^ I can't stop listening to Parting Song at the moment. It's sooooo good. And reflects how I feel. It calms the chaos in me the moment it starts playing. And then the frustration returns once it ends. I keep on replaying it. It's such a sad/pretty song. Now I wanna learn it on the piano. Think I might go searching for the sheet music some time soon.

Binge eating again... Getting fat :( I hate it when I do that. Chocolate fact: Chocolate makes you feel better because it contains the same chemical that your body produces when you're in love. Well scientists, if that's true, why don't I feel better?!?





#44 I'm a coward. I run away from things that upset me. Whenever something makes me feel uncomfortable, I look away. Whenever something makes me feel pain, I bury it. Whenever I get hurt, I walk away. Whenever these things happen, I hide it. I pretend that nothing happened. Like a deleted scene. I tell myself that I'm fine. I try to lie to myself. I try to act strong.

I Am Not A Pedo

My favourite scene in Rio (it's so cuute ^^):


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.

So I had a rendezvous with just J yesterday because M's relatives are over from the US of A. And although be were one man down, we still had a pretty awesome time :) We went to the movies and watched Kungfu Panda 2. It was a lot better than I expected. I originally thought that the second movie was going to ruin my impression of the first, but it didn't. Really happy about that.

So my day didn't hit off with a good start. I had to wake up at the earliest time I had woken up this holidays to go out at the same time as my mum. Then, I felt sick. Sat in the waiting room at my mum's work for a bit and realised my phone battery was at thirty percent, so I had to turned the back light down to save power. And for the rest of the day, I had to put my phone really close to my face to see the time. I waited until 8.50 and then headed down the street towards the station cos J didn't know the way to Westfields.

We had breakky at Muffin Break. Double Choc for J and Apple and Cinnamon for me ^^ Took a while for me to finish the muffin which in the end, J had to help me finish. Ty, J :) Shopping time!! Then bought Gumballs and Easyway and brought them into the cinemas to eat. Very asian thing to do. So there we were with our skewers and milk teas watching a very asian movie about a fat panda doing kungfu. It was a bad idea for J to let me sit beside the little kid. He was soooo cute ^^ I think I was paying a little too much attention to the little boy and not enough on what was happening on screen. The movie was good, so I don't know why the boy's father took the little boy and left before the movie finished. It wasn't like there was a pedo staring at the kid from a distance of less than one meter... Really, can't imagine why they left. Okay, in all seriousness, I had nothing to do with them leaving. And when the movie finally did finish, more shopping. This time, we went along the street outside and basically entered any store that seemed interesting. Oh, we didn't go into the expensive stores or the restaurants ;)

There's only one more day of holidays left. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I want more holidays!! Holidays should be longer. More time to sleeeeeeeeep ^^ Oh, sleep. Oh, how I love sleep. I do love my sleep very much. Sleep could compete with Rawrr ;P Hahas, just saying. Ewww, there's school in two days... Don't wanna go back to school. Back to waking up early. Back to catching the train and walking in the cold. Back to wearing uniforms. Back to crowded trains. And back to being suffocated by smokers. So not looking forward to that...





#43 There is only one person who can make me feel really special one moment, and really crap the next.

Hmmm

Long time no postie. What to say? Not much to say really so... let's ramble. Didn't do much this holiday. Planned to catch up on work and prepare for exams but that got side tracked. Gah, really don't have anything say... Crap post. Okay, gunna end your boredom here. Cute little video + a nice song. Bye nows.







#42 I wish I could fly.

Amy Pearson - Ready To Fly

Remember this song, guys??
Wonder where she disappeared to...




#41 I hate the free-falling feeling.

You were always the princess.
The one who was selfish.
The one who had to have her way.
The one who was always right.
The one who thought she knew best.

You're flawed.
But that's what makes perfection.
I accepted your personality,
And looked past all that.
I saw the beauty in you,
And decided to ignore the flaws.

I was blinded by my hopes.
Hopes that you would see things from my perpective.
But no. You still saw things from your eyes.
Your eyes which judged me.
Your eyes which were biased.


You hurt me again and again with your words.
Words you can never take back.
But I forgave you.
Because that is your personality.
I accepted you.


Look, I'm not even going to bother explaining how much you hurt me. On that "fateful day" when you were raging at me, I was hurt deeply again by those words. The words I hear repeatedly from you. The words which never seem to pierce my heart any less than its antecedents. I let you rage at me. I did that because I knew you were suffering and I would rather you let it all out than bottle it up inside. But each time I let you rage, you hurt me more. And you're right. It is difficult, and I was trying. But you're wrong about me giving up. There you go again. Always skipping ahead and making assumptions. I have always considered your feelings and tried to lessen the pain my actions may cause to you. But what do you do? You act like a princess. You only think about how much it hurts you, how much you're suffering. You say you spread yourself too thin, caring for too many people. And how exactly are you caring for me? Crying about me? Worrying about me? Have you thought about how I've been feeling? Have you thought about how hard it is for me to do this? Have you considered that I'm hurting just as much as you? Have you considered that I need help? Have you tried to give me that help? Did you know that while you were looking down on yourself, saying that you're fat, ugly and stupid, that I was worried sick about you? That I wanted to take you to see Ms K as soon as possible? No, I have enough on my mind. I not only have to keep a balance between you and him, but I also worry you. I worry about M. I worry about my grandma. I worry about my cousin. I worry about myself. You have no idea how many nights I spend crying myself to sleep. Yes, I know you cry yourself to sleep too. And I'm not saying I'm the only one who is doing it. But seriously, will you please grow up and think about others? Think about how hard it is for M to be stuck in between us.

You've always believed that what people say behind your back is what they really think about you. Well, on that day, you said some things that really hurt me. But I was willing to forgive you. In fact I wasn't even angry at you. Just hurt. But what really hurt the most was what you told M. I didn't log off after that. I appeared offline. I asked M if we could go out after tutor. Yeh, I asked that night, not 9 days ago. And I asked her to ask you to come. Why? Because I wanted to go out with you and her. I told you that didn't I? I told you that I wanted to go out with you and her. But I was sure I wasn't going to be well enough this Sunday. But M said you weren't in the mood, and I was disappointed. Don't blame M for lying to you. It's only because I asked her to. And really, if I was still online, you would've just kept raging. Like you always do. So what did you tell M that really hurt me? Well, you asked M to go out on that day as well, and when she said, "im not sure if heidi wanted to go anywhere after tutor on wednesday". What you said after that hurt me the more than anything you ever said.

You know, last year, while I was trying to convince someone to not give up on himself. I told him that if he thought his friendship with this person was extremely valuable, he shouldn't give up on it. I told him that it was going to be hard, but if he was determined, he'll get there. I told him that he should talk it out with the person and if the other person didn't want to hang on to it, he should persevere. If this person keeps his way of thinking and wants to end the friendship, then he should also let it go. That is what I told him. I never imagined that I would come to this myself. I never thought that I would have to cling to a friendship which was once so strong. But my question to you is, have you really been trying to hold on to our friendship? Or have you just left it up to me? Because to me, it just feels like I'm the only one trying. And if that's the case, I guess you've decided to let go. And it's about time I did too.




#40 I try to be strong but I'm dying on the inside.

Feeling Shit/Great

Now there's a lot of reasons why I feel shit right now and I'm not going to go through all 5 bajillion of them. Yes, bajillion is a word. Speaking of words... list of awesome words:

- kerfuffle
- confuzzle
- stuff
- anemone
- shizz
- ambidextrous
- super­cali­fragi­listic­expi­ali­docious
- phenomenen
- cinnamon

Okay, that's all I can think of right now. Speaking of right now, I really should be studying for chemistry but I have no idea what to study for since it's a prac exam... so screwed T^T



^^^^^^^^^^^THE ABOVE = WHAT I SHOULD'VE POSTED ON SUNDAY? I THINK. BUT UNFORTUNATELY FORGOT.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.
Moving on, feeling gooooood ^^ Why? It's the end of semester one bby!!! Screw reports. Nothing is gunna ruin my break. Besides Ms. A's holiday work. But I will take that as a challenge and bravely accept it.

Random convo in roll call went something like this...

A: you know when you drink coke? why isn't your piss black?
Me: *stare* wtf? *crack up laughing*

JL: did you know that there are 180 bacteria in your mouth?
Me : really??
JL: yeh, that means that kissing is actually good because you share bacteria and yeh..
W: so you strengthen your immune system by kissing a lot of people
JL: yeh, except you might get HIV o_O


I am not going to write something deep and meaningful today because it simply takes up too much time and brain power. What happened today???

Saw WH doing multiple choice monday on a thursday!!! That's just wrong... Anyways... first period double maths. We were going to watch Lion King but Mr B forgot to bring it!! Devastating, I know. Instead, we watched Ferris Bueller's Big Day Off << think that's what it's called. Then there was geography: watched hungrybeast. Let's just say that it was insightful and disgusting. Commerce was boring because we were meant to be writing our resumes; realised how crap mine's going to be. Handed in last assessment of the semester at lunch. It was a waste of time really. Then chemistry and history which were also very boring..

Home. Relaxing time. Me time. Watched Secret Garden ^^ Sooo goooood!! Was up to ep7 when relative called and grandma used the phone that's connected to the internet D: So my video stopped loading... T^T Yeh, so addicted.. Soo funnyyy! Gunna stop talking about it now. Shall probably talk more about it in future posts because I have decided to watch it slowly and not finish it in two days like I have done with other dramas.




#39 I like balloons.

Speaking my mind

So there I was thinking about why those dates are so special. You know, the ones that couples celebrate every month? Okay, I know that date is special but is there a need to make such a big deal out of it every 30 days or so? No offense, but there isn't really anything to celebrate unless it's anniversaries, where the day and month is actually meaningful. Please don't take any offense to this, but I personally think it is stupid. Celebrating that one date every month does not make it any more special. In fact, it does quite the opposite. Imagine celebrating your birthday or Christmas every month. It completely takes the meaning out of the occasion. I think the date should be a precious one that is remembered and celebrated every year ON THAT ONE DATE; the one that is actually special. Yes, I can see that it marks each month a couple is "together", but when exactly is that?

This gets me thinking. Is it the day of confession? Is it the day of your first date? Is it the day you're branded girlfriend and boyfriend? Oh which by the way, I think is just a title anyway. A title that tells others that your love is taken. In stories, there's one question that comes up: "so what does that make us? Are we boyfriend and girlfriend?". Well, I think in a situation like that, it simply makes two people falling for each other; nothing more, nothing less; simple as that. Why must we be named as such? I don't think people should decide on a specific date that they become boyfriend and girlfriend. Why? Because how can you not be a couple on one day, and suddenly are the next? It doesn't work like that. I'd like to think of it as something more like fractions, minus the clear divisions; it's a gradual progress. Well if the two are already friends, they should start out normally, gradually getting to know the other to a greater extent, gradually entagling their lives, gradually opening up and getting comfortable being the real you. The you you are when you're alone, the you you are when you're with your family, the you you are most comfortable being. Then somewhere along the way, you've started believing that you're boyfriend and girlfriend. The process being so gradual that you don't even realise when it began, when exactly it was that you thought of yourself as this person's girlfriend or boyfriend. Okay, not sure if you guys understood what I was trying to say... so let's move on. Yeh, I lost my original point. Lemme think a bit.... Ah yes, month-aversaries. That's right, I don't think people should put such an emphasis on them. Actually, the more I think about it, I think that it, to a small extent, mocks the date. Okay, 'mock' isn't the right word. Ugh, can't think of the word to express what I'm thinking but it something less strong. The modality isn't right here. Does this make sense? Okay, I give up on trying to explain. Overall, I just think that it shouldn't be pinned to one date. It doesn't happen overnight; it happens over a period. It shouldn't be counted from one date, it should be counted from a broader idea, like a week, or month. Example: towards the end of December. See where I'm getting at? Don't ask why I'm rambling about this. It just randomly occurred to me.

So today was the winter solstice; the shortest day of the year. From now on, the days will be getting longer. And before we know it, Summer will be here again. I hate how time is flying by so quickly. This year, was by far the quickest. And I am wasting time when I should be preparing for history and chemistry. So off I go...




#38 I have branded some movies (like Up and Grave of the Fireflies) too sad to ever watch again.

Shawn Desman - Best Thing

One touch, one kiss, one words
Heart stops, it aches, it burns
You're my one true desire
Like a dream that came alive
The sunshine in my life
And I can't fake, Can't say
I'm not afraid to lose you babe

Cause the best thing about me is you
And everyday I'm gonna let you know - oh, oh, uh-ohhh
The best thing about me is you
And I'd be crazy to let you go-oh, oh, uh-ohh
You're the best thing about me
Yeahh

You're real, you're sweet, you're mine
And if I could stop time
We would just stay right here
Cause every moment we're apart
I'm missing a piece of my heart
And I can't fake, I can't say
I'm not afraid to lose you babe

Cause the best thing about me is you
And everyday I'm gonna let you know-oh, oh, uh-ohh
The best thing about me is you
And I'd be crazy to let you go-oh, oh, uh-ohh
You're the best thing about me

And i will be all you need
And that's how much you mean to me
I wanna hold you tight
Day and night
And stand by your side everyday of my life
Baby

One touch, one kiss, one word
Taking over my whole world
Cause the best thing about me is you
And everyday I'm gonna let you know- oh, oh, uh ohhh
The best thing about me is you
And I'd be crazy to let you go-oh, oh, uh-ohh
Cause the best thing about me is you
And everyday I'm gonna let you know-oh, oh, uh ohhh
The best thing about me is you
And I'd be crazy to let you go-oh, oh, uh-ohh…
You're the best thing about me …

Best thing…The best thing…Baby you are…
The best thing…The best thing…Baby you are…
The best thing…The best thing…Baby you're…
You're the best thing…The best thing…Yeah… yeah…




#37 Super-top-secret secret of mine: I've always had a thing for bears. When I was little, almost all the things I had (clothes, soft toys, picture books etc.) were somehow related to bears. Even now, I have to admit, I still secretly get excited whenever I see a bear no matter how much I try to hide it.

Not Knowing

I hate it. I hate not knowing. Not knowing is a scary thing. Not knowing what the people you care about is going through is scary. Knowing that something is wrong but not knowing what it is, is scary. When they say something that suggests that something's not right, but won't tell you what's up, yeh, I hate that. I hate it when they think it's for my own good, but it just worries me more.

Example? Grandpa. That day, the day we finallly figured something wasn't right, I waited in the emergency room for 7 hours. I sat there alone, wondering what was going on beyond the walls that separated us. I hated not knowing what was happening. Not knowing what was wrong. Not knowing what was going to happen. No means of communication. It took everything I had to not jump to conclusions. To not break down crying. I sat there in a trance until my mum finally came out to tell me that Grandpa had to stay in hospital, and I realised I was actually feeling really cold and hungry. I hate the feeling of not knowing. I never want to go through that again.

Another example? This four-days-older-than-me-silly-girl who lives too far away worries me. She'd talk to someone she doesn't even know and show them photos of her self-harming, but kept it from me. I knew something was wrong. I knew she was hurting. But no, she'd comfort me, telling me that everything was okay. Telling me to stop worrying. How can I not worry? I care about her too much to not worry. I love her too much. How much I cried when I found out she was suffering, she doesn't know. She kept saying she was fine. But the truth was not so. Being a state away, not knowing what she was thinking, what she was doing, what was happening to her, scares me. Not knowing is scary.

One more example? Let's not. The point is, this goes for everyone I care about. Not knowing what's wrong when something quite obviously is, is very scary. I'm sure that's the same for you guys.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.

Anyway, on a completely different note, something I found on the net; try reading that:

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

LOL. Did you enjoy that?




#36 I love the sound of rain, especially as I'm falling asleep.

Happy Birthday Dearie!

Birthday shout out to M. Hope you had a great day at school and at the performance tonight. Hope your arm isn't too sore :P I would've liked it if I saw you more today; then I could've gave you birthday punches more effectively... *sigh* oh wells. Love ya <3

I was looking forward to ice skating today. I can finally skate normally and as good as the little girls I was envious of a few weeks ago ('cause they could skate better than me). I was proud to say that I had not fallen over whilst learning to skate. But today, after all the practise and I'm finally going at a good pace, I stacked it. I don't even know what happened. I was just about to skate normally and then all of a sudden, I slid backwards and fell to the very cold and hard ice. PAIN. My hands were hurting so bad; like they were burning. But to the left of my tailbone hurt more :( I haven't fallen so hard since.......can't remember the last time. The point is, it hurt. A LOT. It hurt so much that I sat on the ice for a while 'cause it hurt too much to get up. Yeh. It hurt. And to make the situation worse, this guy was there watching me. He saw me trying not to fall. He heard me scream. He saw me fall. He saw me trying to get up. And yet he did nothing to help :( MEANIE! So there I was, embarassed and in pain. I'm sure there's no need to explain why. Then I slowly made my way to J, laughing off the pain and repeating "it really hurts, it really really hurts.." for a while.

Lonely has been stuck in my head for the whole of the long weekend and today. Wonder how much longer it can stay. Was on the train home alone today because M had the performance. So I was sitting in the corner with my earphones in and mouthing the words to the song. I have no idea when I began singing to myself, but I realised that people kept looking at me and was like, shit, do I have something on my face?. Yeh, so there I was listening to the song and actually feeling lonely :( Sitting there reminiscing. Been doing that a lot lately. Then I started thinking about the lyrics and how nice/sad they are. Just sat there in the fairly deserted carraige for a while, looking out the window in front of me until I switched trains at lidcombe. The train I was on was ten minute early so I had to wait longer than usual for the connecting train. Stood on the platform leaning against the pole, looking very lonely. Got onto the train and grabbed a one-seater upstairs. Before the train stopped at Guildford, I had small exchange with someone I hadn't talked to in a while. It was rather awkward.

I had a very short piano lesson today because I didn't practise piano very much this week and I think my teacher was pissed. I played a bit and then tried playing the next parts in the pieces. Played one song with my teacher and then went home. All in less than half an hour. I was hoping to get my theory exam back today but that didn't happen. It's not like I'm expecting to get 100% in it, just that I wanted something to talk about in the lesson to make the lesson seem longer.

Well, time to attempt to do the work I wrote in my diary.




#35 When I'm alone, I like to be invisible. On the train, usually standing or sitting in my special corner, staring out the window and spacing out. Just out of anyone's way and where they're out of my personal space is nice. When walking, apart from crowds with lots of space around me.

Once Upon A Time...

There lived a little girl who shall remain nameless for no reason at all. She was very cute and SLOW (lol, maybe posting isn't that bad after all). But the most unique thing about her was that fact that she was very annoying. She would get high very easily and start jumping up and down for absolutely no reason. She'd simply shrug and say she's high on air. Her high-ness can really get on her friends' nerves but also be very contagious. She is very impatient and sometimes demands too much (eg. threatening me to write another post). Although she can be a princess at times, she is a very bright and caring girl. She is a valuable friend whom her friends can not live without (cheesy, I know).

THE END.
Why? Because I'm tired and I can't be bothered writing any more than that.




#34 I judge books by their covers.

Toasting Marshmallows With A Blow Torch ^^

One of the crazy things I have tried to and will do. Having I around is pretty awesome. I remember lighting a small apple-plum-cherry? (it was a weird fruit) on fire when we were little. And that was using a candle, LOL. Last night, I had a packet of marshmallows just sitting there but I thought it was too sweet and boring to just eat it like that. I told my cousin that I wanted to have have a campfire at that moment simply to roast marshmallows. Then he went on about the huge marshmallows they use at scouts. So while we were joking about using a blow torch instead, we were just that crazy enough to do it ^^ Our marshmallows were slightly golden with pink and orange swirls; crunchy on the outside and soft and warm on the inside. I have never tried a marshmalloew heated over a campfire, but this one will do for now. One day, I will obtain a real toasted marshmallow and slowly savour every moment, hahas.

Park Bom's Don't Cry music video never fails to make me cry no matter how many times I watch it. And After School's Shampoo music video never fails to make me go "ngaawwww" every time and leave me wanting more. And 2NE1's Lonely never fails to make me sing along. Did not watch How I Met Your Mother at all this weekend. You guys proud? Anyways, since a certain someone is bugging me about this post taking so long, I shall end it here.




#33 I find my fear of heights a comfort when I'm upset.

Secrets

Aren't secrets a great and terrible thing? It can tear people apart while on the other hand form a strong bond. It can cause distrust and guilt. It can bring anticipation and excitement. It can break friendships. It can strengthen friendships. With everything that brings a good point, there's a bad point. With every great thing that happens, there's something unexpected waiting. With every choice you make, there's a risk that comes with it. Almost everything in life is in binary. A secret works the same way. We all have our secrets. Some, we hope is never brought to light. Others, are small matters which seem silly to be secrets when they are revealed. But all in all, they are our secrets. Ours to keep; and ours to tell. You choose who knows yours, and you choose whether or not you spread others'. I just hope that people know what is on the line when they make their decision. The power of words is strong. But the power of actions is stronger. Time cannot be rewound, no matter how much we want it to happen. Regret is a heavy burden. One that is not easily lifted.




#32 I want to have something that defines me.

sick sick sick

There is nothing worse than having cramps, a sore throat and hay fever symptoms. Not at my dad's high school 'get together' where they're having a BBQ and hot pot and lots of yummy food :( Instead, I'm at home half doing homework and resting. I'm not home alone though. Cousin, IK, is here and grandma's also home. Grandma was hurrying my parents out the door and saying that instead of going shopping, she's going to play video games with us. And she said this enthusiastically. Haha, I love my grandma. But of course we're not playing video games..

M, you're being a b!tch for not posting your wishlist. You said you would and now you're going back on your word. You say you "don't want anything". So I can't get you anything; I have to get you something that's not anything. And that's hard. Jeeez M, can't you be a little more specific?? :P Actually, how bout we go out and you choose what you want? That'll be easier. Just saying. If not, do you really want us to kidnap you again? And I swear, this time, we'll be better at it cos now we've got experience ;)

So I'm meant to be doing maths homework, but I keep getting distracted. I (as in my cousin, not me) is talking his girlfriend and friends on the phone, and I'm sitting here laughing like hell at their nicknames and their conversations. His friends are, let's say, unique. ==', now he's being an asshole, teasing me about the flowers Rawrr gave me because my grandma's finally sick of seeing them die and is throwing them away now.

Reminiscing now. I miss my baby cousin, R. Even though he's not a baby anymore; year 4 now. He's like my like my little bro cos I used to look after him and I watched him grow up and read books with him and all. Good times. I remember his crying face when my dad went to their house to pick I and E up so we can go to school together, and R wasn't old enough to go to school but he would come out of the house with his little backpack on hoping that he could go to school with us. Oh, and now I'm thinking about when I, E, D and me were little and we had some really good times together. Remembering when we climbed the wall and swing. And now we're having a D&M. Talking about depression and finding out secrets about ourselves and others. Talking about grandpa, the past, ghosts and his MacBook Air. Haven't had a talk with my bro like this in ages. It's nice :)




#31 I'm afraid of the dark after watching a scary movie

Nostalgia

So I haven't been online for a while. Opened internet explorer and read about Selena Gomez being rushed to the hospital after an interview because it was on my homepage. It said that she felt nauseous, and then it subtly mentioned Justin Bieber's name. And what are they suggesting there?? ;) LOL.

Checked my spammed inbox next and saw a message from Neopets. Haven't received a message from them in years. So out of boredom, I read it. It said that because I asked so kindly for a reminder of my username and password, they sent me one. First thought: WTF?, I didn't do that. Then out of curiosity, I went onto the website and signed in. I think my neopets have been in "dying" for years now... Looked at my profile and saw the crap I wrote there as a child when it was 'cool' to write in crappy phonetic english eg. using 2 instead of 'to', and 'skool' instead of 'school' etc. So while I was reading this crap, I just laughed at how stupid it all was. On the page, the past me told the present me to take a look at my bebo page. And so I did. More crappy english and stupid ideas really. It was all quite nostalgic.

Watched more How I Met Your Mother. It is soooooo funny. Tutor was alright. Oh oh oh oh, got 1st place in maths test at tutor ^^ but the percentage was wasn't very high so I guess it isn't very impressive. Forgot my calculator today, and I couldn't do almost every question in class... such crap mental maths. Waited a while to get picked up after tutor and since it was cold and someone was smoking outside, I went to the chinese grocery shop and bought 99cents lollies. Yup, those really addictive ones we had at J's place. This time, I bought other flavours to try ;) Would've brought them to the picnic but...

Picnic on Monday is cancelled so I get more sleep ^^ Feel so lazy and tired today. My mum thinks there's something wrong with me... Great, my tummy hurts :( You know what's so crap about being a girl? Getting periods. Why? Because you get cramps which sometimes get so bad that you can't focus on work and all you want to do is curl up in bed. But no, you can't do that because you're at school or tutor and your teacher is looking at you thinking what the hell is wrong with you. And on top of that, fatigue. You get so tired that when you arrive home, you just die on the couch or on your bed. But no, you can't do that either because the teacher was being a b!tchy and has to give you homework. Oh, there's also when your hormones go crazy and you get too sensitive about things and you PMS and your skin goes terribly wrong. Omg, so happy there's no school tomorrow or the day after. So happy it's a long weekend. Time to die. Don't want to do anything. Just want to curl up in bed and hibernate...





#30 I am like a drunk-tard when I'm half asleep; personal information, secrets and other weird things just blurt out. Really, there isn't much of a difference between the two besides the hangover and remembering what happened the night before.

Stay Here Forever

Love that song ^^ Love the lyrics ^^ Love you <3 ;) Okay, I'm retarded; I know I know. So hello there Mother, Mommy, and Mom (and Step-mommy but seriously doubt you're reading this). AND of course some random retard :P Watching too much Avatar ==' Soooo addicted. Help please :) Omg, this ep of Avatar is sooo good ^^ Zuko's getting jealous because some guys were chatting to Mei. It's so cute! ^^ But so sad as well... I'm acutally feeling a little bad for Azula 'cause she's never treated like a normal girl. But yeh, enough about that. Jealousy; a strange feeling really. Just randomly thought of that.

5 TIPS FOR PEOPLE IN GENERAL
1. When someone offers you a mint, take it. It doesn't matter whether or not you think you need it ;)
2. When someone needs a mint, subtly offer them one. If they decline, insist on them taking it, but if they decline again, sigh and walk away ;)
3. No matter how much someone denies their jealousy, a part of them is jealous.
4. When a girl gets mad for absolutely no apparent reason, she's most likely PMS-ing. However, when she's mad at just you, you probably did something wrong.
5. The smallest things can make a person smile. They might not show it, but it's there. So think about what you've done at the end of the day and realise that you've made someone's day just that little bit brighter ^^




#29 I want to be a child forever.

Abortion: One More Mouth That Will Never Speak

*
Month one, Mommy
I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart is my favourite lullaby.
*
Month two, mommy
Today I learned to suck my thumb.
If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
*
Month three, You know what mommy?
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy, I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad, it makes me sad too and I cry with you even though
You can't hear me.
*
Month four, Mommy
My hair is starting to grow.
It is very short but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
*
Month five, you went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said I'm not a baby. I am a baby, your baby!
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
*
Month six, I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home - The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop! I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP ME!!
*
Month seven, mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus' arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
*
Abortion is just.....
*
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.


If you are against abortion or this peom nearly made you cry, spread the news around. Copy and paste it onto a blog or profile and send this to all your friends.





#28 I pretended to play the violin with a tissue box and a stick when I was little.

Better Today

Love that song. But really, I'm feeling better today. Felt extremely better after talking to my AWESOMEE nee-chan ^^ Please don't worry about me guys. I was just being stupid, and a cry baby, really. I'm sorry for making so many people worry about me. And thank you for caring. You know what gives my hope? Stories. So, while I was being stupid yesterday, I decided to do part of english tutor hw. I looked up a greek myth. Pandora's Box. I really like this one; the first greek myth I've read. I shan't spoil it by talking about it's plot, so just read it. Or maybe I'm the only one who didn't know it. Oh wells. I liked it a lot. And it made me feel a little better. So yeh. This is me rambling because I really don't want to do geography hw. Oh, got back from piano about an hour and a half ago. Got a new piece to learn. I think it's going to take me like a term to learn it. What song? Rondo Ala Turca. Is that how you spell it?? No idea. Oh wells. Okay, time to do something. Would it be weird to start making a cake at this hour?? Probs. Okay, well I can rule that out of my options. Looks like I'm only left with one. That is to do geo hw. Well, off I go... to bed cos I'm really tired and my feet hurt. Oh, I can skate ^^ And control my screaming to a minimum, haha.




#27 I dislike peppermint.

Can't Fcuking Do This Anymore

List of things I am currently failing, that is judging from my results:
- Maths
- Chem (okay, out of all the times where I've said I did the worst, this one tops it)
- Geo

List of things I am most likely to fail, that is judging from my performance on the day:
- Comm
- SDD

List of things I will probably fail, that is judging from the fact that I am completely unprepared for it and have no idea what to do:
- Eng
- Jap

Now for some positive. List of things I won't be that bad at:
- Hist (possibly)
- PDHPE


WHAT THE FCUK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
I don't know what the fcuk we're doing in geography. I know the topic, and that's it.
English can go get run over by a truck, die in the explosion that follows, and burn in hell. I have no fcuking clue as to what we're meant to writing on friday. I'm so fcuking screwed.


Okay, back from crying til my eyes and ears hurt. Puffy eyes.
I'm fcuking failing chemistry. Oh, which by the way, I don't belong in anyways. I don't know why the fcuk I'm there cos I'm obviously no fcuking good at it. So here's a thought. Chem tutor. Waste more money on something I'm obviously not very talented at. Great. So much for studying medical science.

Here's another thought. WHY THE FCUK AM I HERE, ON BLOGGER, RUINING MY LIFE EVEN MORE. Now, there' a good question. Because I have no idea why the fcuk I'm still living. What in the world am I meant to be doing. Really, what the fcuk am I doing? Oh, and guys, please don't tell me this is fcuking life because I am too fucking tired of hearing this shit. It's me. It's my life, and I'm fcuking ruining it.





#26 I listen to music when I'm upset, and either silently think about whatever I'm upset about, or just drown myself in the melody.