False Truths

Things are never as they appear. There are always two sides to a story. Do not be too quick to judge someone because you might just end up regretting it. Do not assume things because you might just end up hurting yourself. Do not jump to conclusions because you might just end up hurting someone you love. Do not believe everything you hear because it might just be lies. Unnecessary pain and unnecessary humiliation.




#46 I once wanted to be an anthropologist.

Make A Wish~

Wishlist to make your life easier ^^

- 16 balloons of different designs filled with helium
- Jack in a box ;P
- These shoes: http://www.converse.com.au/products/star-player-canvas-31558.html
- One of these watches: http://www.swatch.com/zz_en/watches/ss2011_corecollection.html (Menthol Tone- LK292G, Soft Sky- LS111C, Berry Sorbet- LV114C)
- Something memorable, one of a kind, meaningful
- Sheet music for pretty piano pieces (not too difficult to play)
- Stuff I can't be bothered to go out buying (biology textbook, folders, staples for my smiggle stapler, hot water bottle, lip balm)
- A good drama/movie on disc
- Something yummy ^^
- Something hand-made
- Money should be the your last resort ;)
- The Colour of Tea by Hannah Tunnicliffe
- To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
- Toys by James Patterson
- The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
- The Messenger by Markus Zusak
- 8GB Video HD SD card
- Something out of the ordinary, funny, cool, weird, awesome
- SURPRISE ME!

NOTE:
PLEASE DO NOT GIVE ME CHOCOLATE. I know I love it, but I also know that it's bad for me. So do not give it to me unless you want to make me fat. And then I'll know who wants to fatten me up and your evil schemes to eat me will be ruined ;P




#45 I have stage fright.

Parting Song

And so the first week of term 3 has ended. Today was not a great day. It was crap. I felt crap. Stupid Cityrail. The only good thing about today was the amount of rain I got to listen. Almost the whole day of rain ^^ Bad thing: it was cold. Freezing. Except in the morning, but that was only because of the jog. Couldn't really concentrate on anything today. My mind was just off somewhere for several hours. Didn't do much during chem and eng. Really wanted maths today. I really wouldn't have minded having maths the whole day today. Is there something wrong with me? There is right? Hmmm, Cohen was squishy. Not squishy as in there were too many people in there. But squishy as in the carpet was soaked and when you walked on it, it was squishy... It was a strange feeling to set you foot down on it.

I don't know anymore.
I hate not knowing.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what's real;
I don't know what's not.
But what I do know,
Is that I can't keep thinking about this...
Only, I can't.
And it's slowly tearing me apart.


Absolutely love love love Will by Yuki Kajiura. Reminds of Pandora Hearts and makes me want to watch it again. It was a really good anime ^^ I can't stop listening to Parting Song at the moment. It's sooooo good. And reflects how I feel. It calms the chaos in me the moment it starts playing. And then the frustration returns once it ends. I keep on replaying it. It's such a sad/pretty song. Now I wanna learn it on the piano. Think I might go searching for the sheet music some time soon.

Binge eating again... Getting fat :( I hate it when I do that. Chocolate fact: Chocolate makes you feel better because it contains the same chemical that your body produces when you're in love. Well scientists, if that's true, why don't I feel better?!?





#44 I'm a coward. I run away from things that upset me. Whenever something makes me feel uncomfortable, I look away. Whenever something makes me feel pain, I bury it. Whenever I get hurt, I walk away. Whenever these things happen, I hide it. I pretend that nothing happened. Like a deleted scene. I tell myself that I'm fine. I try to lie to myself. I try to act strong.

I Am Not A Pedo

My favourite scene in Rio (it's so cuute ^^):


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So I had a rendezvous with just J yesterday because M's relatives are over from the US of A. And although be were one man down, we still had a pretty awesome time :) We went to the movies and watched Kungfu Panda 2. It was a lot better than I expected. I originally thought that the second movie was going to ruin my impression of the first, but it didn't. Really happy about that.

So my day didn't hit off with a good start. I had to wake up at the earliest time I had woken up this holidays to go out at the same time as my mum. Then, I felt sick. Sat in the waiting room at my mum's work for a bit and realised my phone battery was at thirty percent, so I had to turned the back light down to save power. And for the rest of the day, I had to put my phone really close to my face to see the time. I waited until 8.50 and then headed down the street towards the station cos J didn't know the way to Westfields.

We had breakky at Muffin Break. Double Choc for J and Apple and Cinnamon for me ^^ Took a while for me to finish the muffin which in the end, J had to help me finish. Ty, J :) Shopping time!! Then bought Gumballs and Easyway and brought them into the cinemas to eat. Very asian thing to do. So there we were with our skewers and milk teas watching a very asian movie about a fat panda doing kungfu. It was a bad idea for J to let me sit beside the little kid. He was soooo cute ^^ I think I was paying a little too much attention to the little boy and not enough on what was happening on screen. The movie was good, so I don't know why the boy's father took the little boy and left before the movie finished. It wasn't like there was a pedo staring at the kid from a distance of less than one meter... Really, can't imagine why they left. Okay, in all seriousness, I had nothing to do with them leaving. And when the movie finally did finish, more shopping. This time, we went along the street outside and basically entered any store that seemed interesting. Oh, we didn't go into the expensive stores or the restaurants ;)

There's only one more day of holidays left. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I want more holidays!! Holidays should be longer. More time to sleeeeeeeeep ^^ Oh, sleep. Oh, how I love sleep. I do love my sleep very much. Sleep could compete with Rawrr ;P Hahas, just saying. Ewww, there's school in two days... Don't wanna go back to school. Back to waking up early. Back to catching the train and walking in the cold. Back to wearing uniforms. Back to crowded trains. And back to being suffocated by smokers. So not looking forward to that...





#43 There is only one person who can make me feel really special one moment, and really crap the next.

Hmmm

Long time no postie. What to say? Not much to say really so... let's ramble. Didn't do much this holiday. Planned to catch up on work and prepare for exams but that got side tracked. Gah, really don't have anything say... Crap post. Okay, gunna end your boredom here. Cute little video + a nice song. Bye nows.







#42 I wish I could fly.

Amy Pearson - Ready To Fly

Remember this song, guys??
Wonder where she disappeared to...




#41 I hate the free-falling feeling.

You were always the princess.
The one who was selfish.
The one who had to have her way.
The one who was always right.
The one who thought she knew best.

You're flawed.
But that's what makes perfection.
I accepted your personality,
And looked past all that.
I saw the beauty in you,
And decided to ignore the flaws.

I was blinded by my hopes.
Hopes that you would see things from my perpective.
But no. You still saw things from your eyes.
Your eyes which judged me.
Your eyes which were biased.


You hurt me again and again with your words.
Words you can never take back.
But I forgave you.
Because that is your personality.
I accepted you.


Look, I'm not even going to bother explaining how much you hurt me. On that "fateful day" when you were raging at me, I was hurt deeply again by those words. The words I hear repeatedly from you. The words which never seem to pierce my heart any less than its antecedents. I let you rage at me. I did that because I knew you were suffering and I would rather you let it all out than bottle it up inside. But each time I let you rage, you hurt me more. And you're right. It is difficult, and I was trying. But you're wrong about me giving up. There you go again. Always skipping ahead and making assumptions. I have always considered your feelings and tried to lessen the pain my actions may cause to you. But what do you do? You act like a princess. You only think about how much it hurts you, how much you're suffering. You say you spread yourself too thin, caring for too many people. And how exactly are you caring for me? Crying about me? Worrying about me? Have you thought about how I've been feeling? Have you thought about how hard it is for me to do this? Have you considered that I'm hurting just as much as you? Have you considered that I need help? Have you tried to give me that help? Did you know that while you were looking down on yourself, saying that you're fat, ugly and stupid, that I was worried sick about you? That I wanted to take you to see Ms K as soon as possible? No, I have enough on my mind. I not only have to keep a balance between you and him, but I also worry you. I worry about M. I worry about my grandma. I worry about my cousin. I worry about myself. You have no idea how many nights I spend crying myself to sleep. Yes, I know you cry yourself to sleep too. And I'm not saying I'm the only one who is doing it. But seriously, will you please grow up and think about others? Think about how hard it is for M to be stuck in between us.

You've always believed that what people say behind your back is what they really think about you. Well, on that day, you said some things that really hurt me. But I was willing to forgive you. In fact I wasn't even angry at you. Just hurt. But what really hurt the most was what you told M. I didn't log off after that. I appeared offline. I asked M if we could go out after tutor. Yeh, I asked that night, not 9 days ago. And I asked her to ask you to come. Why? Because I wanted to go out with you and her. I told you that didn't I? I told you that I wanted to go out with you and her. But I was sure I wasn't going to be well enough this Sunday. But M said you weren't in the mood, and I was disappointed. Don't blame M for lying to you. It's only because I asked her to. And really, if I was still online, you would've just kept raging. Like you always do. So what did you tell M that really hurt me? Well, you asked M to go out on that day as well, and when she said, "im not sure if heidi wanted to go anywhere after tutor on wednesday". What you said after that hurt me the more than anything you ever said.

You know, last year, while I was trying to convince someone to not give up on himself. I told him that if he thought his friendship with this person was extremely valuable, he shouldn't give up on it. I told him that it was going to be hard, but if he was determined, he'll get there. I told him that he should talk it out with the person and if the other person didn't want to hang on to it, he should persevere. If this person keeps his way of thinking and wants to end the friendship, then he should also let it go. That is what I told him. I never imagined that I would come to this myself. I never thought that I would have to cling to a friendship which was once so strong. But my question to you is, have you really been trying to hold on to our friendship? Or have you just left it up to me? Because to me, it just feels like I'm the only one trying. And if that's the case, I guess you've decided to let go. And it's about time I did too.




#40 I try to be strong but I'm dying on the inside.