Feeling Shit/Great

Now there's a lot of reasons why I feel shit right now and I'm not going to go through all 5 bajillion of them. Yes, bajillion is a word. Speaking of words... list of awesome words:

- kerfuffle
- confuzzle
- stuff
- anemone
- shizz
- ambidextrous
- super­cali­fragi­listic­expi­ali­docious
- phenomenen
- cinnamon

Okay, that's all I can think of right now. Speaking of right now, I really should be studying for chemistry but I have no idea what to study for since it's a prac exam... so screwed T^T



^^^^^^^^^^^THE ABOVE = WHAT I SHOULD'VE POSTED ON SUNDAY? I THINK. BUT UNFORTUNATELY FORGOT.
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Moving on, feeling gooooood ^^ Why? It's the end of semester one bby!!! Screw reports. Nothing is gunna ruin my break. Besides Ms. A's holiday work. But I will take that as a challenge and bravely accept it.

Random convo in roll call went something like this...

A: you know when you drink coke? why isn't your piss black?
Me: *stare* wtf? *crack up laughing*

JL: did you know that there are 180 bacteria in your mouth?
Me : really??
JL: yeh, that means that kissing is actually good because you share bacteria and yeh..
W: so you strengthen your immune system by kissing a lot of people
JL: yeh, except you might get HIV o_O


I am not going to write something deep and meaningful today because it simply takes up too much time and brain power. What happened today???

Saw WH doing multiple choice monday on a thursday!!! That's just wrong... Anyways... first period double maths. We were going to watch Lion King but Mr B forgot to bring it!! Devastating, I know. Instead, we watched Ferris Bueller's Big Day Off << think that's what it's called. Then there was geography: watched hungrybeast. Let's just say that it was insightful and disgusting. Commerce was boring because we were meant to be writing our resumes; realised how crap mine's going to be. Handed in last assessment of the semester at lunch. It was a waste of time really. Then chemistry and history which were also very boring..

Home. Relaxing time. Me time. Watched Secret Garden ^^ Sooo goooood!! Was up to ep7 when relative called and grandma used the phone that's connected to the internet D: So my video stopped loading... T^T Yeh, so addicted.. Soo funnyyy! Gunna stop talking about it now. Shall probably talk more about it in future posts because I have decided to watch it slowly and not finish it in two days like I have done with other dramas.




#39 I like balloons.

Speaking my mind

So there I was thinking about why those dates are so special. You know, the ones that couples celebrate every month? Okay, I know that date is special but is there a need to make such a big deal out of it every 30 days or so? No offense, but there isn't really anything to celebrate unless it's anniversaries, where the day and month is actually meaningful. Please don't take any offense to this, but I personally think it is stupid. Celebrating that one date every month does not make it any more special. In fact, it does quite the opposite. Imagine celebrating your birthday or Christmas every month. It completely takes the meaning out of the occasion. I think the date should be a precious one that is remembered and celebrated every year ON THAT ONE DATE; the one that is actually special. Yes, I can see that it marks each month a couple is "together", but when exactly is that?

This gets me thinking. Is it the day of confession? Is it the day of your first date? Is it the day you're branded girlfriend and boyfriend? Oh which by the way, I think is just a title anyway. A title that tells others that your love is taken. In stories, there's one question that comes up: "so what does that make us? Are we boyfriend and girlfriend?". Well, I think in a situation like that, it simply makes two people falling for each other; nothing more, nothing less; simple as that. Why must we be named as such? I don't think people should decide on a specific date that they become boyfriend and girlfriend. Why? Because how can you not be a couple on one day, and suddenly are the next? It doesn't work like that. I'd like to think of it as something more like fractions, minus the clear divisions; it's a gradual progress. Well if the two are already friends, they should start out normally, gradually getting to know the other to a greater extent, gradually entagling their lives, gradually opening up and getting comfortable being the real you. The you you are when you're alone, the you you are when you're with your family, the you you are most comfortable being. Then somewhere along the way, you've started believing that you're boyfriend and girlfriend. The process being so gradual that you don't even realise when it began, when exactly it was that you thought of yourself as this person's girlfriend or boyfriend. Okay, not sure if you guys understood what I was trying to say... so let's move on. Yeh, I lost my original point. Lemme think a bit.... Ah yes, month-aversaries. That's right, I don't think people should put such an emphasis on them. Actually, the more I think about it, I think that it, to a small extent, mocks the date. Okay, 'mock' isn't the right word. Ugh, can't think of the word to express what I'm thinking but it something less strong. The modality isn't right here. Does this make sense? Okay, I give up on trying to explain. Overall, I just think that it shouldn't be pinned to one date. It doesn't happen overnight; it happens over a period. It shouldn't be counted from one date, it should be counted from a broader idea, like a week, or month. Example: towards the end of December. See where I'm getting at? Don't ask why I'm rambling about this. It just randomly occurred to me.

So today was the winter solstice; the shortest day of the year. From now on, the days will be getting longer. And before we know it, Summer will be here again. I hate how time is flying by so quickly. This year, was by far the quickest. And I am wasting time when I should be preparing for history and chemistry. So off I go...




#38 I have branded some movies (like Up and Grave of the Fireflies) too sad to ever watch again.

Shawn Desman - Best Thing

One touch, one kiss, one words
Heart stops, it aches, it burns
You're my one true desire
Like a dream that came alive
The sunshine in my life
And I can't fake, Can't say
I'm not afraid to lose you babe

Cause the best thing about me is you
And everyday I'm gonna let you know - oh, oh, uh-ohhh
The best thing about me is you
And I'd be crazy to let you go-oh, oh, uh-ohh
You're the best thing about me
Yeahh

You're real, you're sweet, you're mine
And if I could stop time
We would just stay right here
Cause every moment we're apart
I'm missing a piece of my heart
And I can't fake, I can't say
I'm not afraid to lose you babe

Cause the best thing about me is you
And everyday I'm gonna let you know-oh, oh, uh-ohh
The best thing about me is you
And I'd be crazy to let you go-oh, oh, uh-ohh
You're the best thing about me

And i will be all you need
And that's how much you mean to me
I wanna hold you tight
Day and night
And stand by your side everyday of my life
Baby

One touch, one kiss, one word
Taking over my whole world
Cause the best thing about me is you
And everyday I'm gonna let you know- oh, oh, uh ohhh
The best thing about me is you
And I'd be crazy to let you go-oh, oh, uh-ohh
Cause the best thing about me is you
And everyday I'm gonna let you know-oh, oh, uh ohhh
The best thing about me is you
And I'd be crazy to let you go-oh, oh, uh-ohh…
You're the best thing about me …

Best thing…The best thing…Baby you are…
The best thing…The best thing…Baby you are…
The best thing…The best thing…Baby you're…
You're the best thing…The best thing…Yeah… yeah…




#37 Super-top-secret secret of mine: I've always had a thing for bears. When I was little, almost all the things I had (clothes, soft toys, picture books etc.) were somehow related to bears. Even now, I have to admit, I still secretly get excited whenever I see a bear no matter how much I try to hide it.

Not Knowing

I hate it. I hate not knowing. Not knowing is a scary thing. Not knowing what the people you care about is going through is scary. Knowing that something is wrong but not knowing what it is, is scary. When they say something that suggests that something's not right, but won't tell you what's up, yeh, I hate that. I hate it when they think it's for my own good, but it just worries me more.

Example? Grandpa. That day, the day we finallly figured something wasn't right, I waited in the emergency room for 7 hours. I sat there alone, wondering what was going on beyond the walls that separated us. I hated not knowing what was happening. Not knowing what was wrong. Not knowing what was going to happen. No means of communication. It took everything I had to not jump to conclusions. To not break down crying. I sat there in a trance until my mum finally came out to tell me that Grandpa had to stay in hospital, and I realised I was actually feeling really cold and hungry. I hate the feeling of not knowing. I never want to go through that again.

Another example? This four-days-older-than-me-silly-girl who lives too far away worries me. She'd talk to someone she doesn't even know and show them photos of her self-harming, but kept it from me. I knew something was wrong. I knew she was hurting. But no, she'd comfort me, telling me that everything was okay. Telling me to stop worrying. How can I not worry? I care about her too much to not worry. I love her too much. How much I cried when I found out she was suffering, she doesn't know. She kept saying she was fine. But the truth was not so. Being a state away, not knowing what she was thinking, what she was doing, what was happening to her, scares me. Not knowing is scary.

One more example? Let's not. The point is, this goes for everyone I care about. Not knowing what's wrong when something quite obviously is, is very scary. I'm sure that's the same for you guys.
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Anyway, on a completely different note, something I found on the net; try reading that:

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

LOL. Did you enjoy that?




#36 I love the sound of rain, especially as I'm falling asleep.

Happy Birthday Dearie!

Birthday shout out to M. Hope you had a great day at school and at the performance tonight. Hope your arm isn't too sore :P I would've liked it if I saw you more today; then I could've gave you birthday punches more effectively... *sigh* oh wells. Love ya <3

I was looking forward to ice skating today. I can finally skate normally and as good as the little girls I was envious of a few weeks ago ('cause they could skate better than me). I was proud to say that I had not fallen over whilst learning to skate. But today, after all the practise and I'm finally going at a good pace, I stacked it. I don't even know what happened. I was just about to skate normally and then all of a sudden, I slid backwards and fell to the very cold and hard ice. PAIN. My hands were hurting so bad; like they were burning. But to the left of my tailbone hurt more :( I haven't fallen so hard since.......can't remember the last time. The point is, it hurt. A LOT. It hurt so much that I sat on the ice for a while 'cause it hurt too much to get up. Yeh. It hurt. And to make the situation worse, this guy was there watching me. He saw me trying not to fall. He heard me scream. He saw me fall. He saw me trying to get up. And yet he did nothing to help :( MEANIE! So there I was, embarassed and in pain. I'm sure there's no need to explain why. Then I slowly made my way to J, laughing off the pain and repeating "it really hurts, it really really hurts.." for a while.

Lonely has been stuck in my head for the whole of the long weekend and today. Wonder how much longer it can stay. Was on the train home alone today because M had the performance. So I was sitting in the corner with my earphones in and mouthing the words to the song. I have no idea when I began singing to myself, but I realised that people kept looking at me and was like, shit, do I have something on my face?. Yeh, so there I was listening to the song and actually feeling lonely :( Sitting there reminiscing. Been doing that a lot lately. Then I started thinking about the lyrics and how nice/sad they are. Just sat there in the fairly deserted carraige for a while, looking out the window in front of me until I switched trains at lidcombe. The train I was on was ten minute early so I had to wait longer than usual for the connecting train. Stood on the platform leaning against the pole, looking very lonely. Got onto the train and grabbed a one-seater upstairs. Before the train stopped at Guildford, I had small exchange with someone I hadn't talked to in a while. It was rather awkward.

I had a very short piano lesson today because I didn't practise piano very much this week and I think my teacher was pissed. I played a bit and then tried playing the next parts in the pieces. Played one song with my teacher and then went home. All in less than half an hour. I was hoping to get my theory exam back today but that didn't happen. It's not like I'm expecting to get 100% in it, just that I wanted something to talk about in the lesson to make the lesson seem longer.

Well, time to attempt to do the work I wrote in my diary.




#35 When I'm alone, I like to be invisible. On the train, usually standing or sitting in my special corner, staring out the window and spacing out. Just out of anyone's way and where they're out of my personal space is nice. When walking, apart from crowds with lots of space around me.

Once Upon A Time...

There lived a little girl who shall remain nameless for no reason at all. She was very cute and SLOW (lol, maybe posting isn't that bad after all). But the most unique thing about her was that fact that she was very annoying. She would get high very easily and start jumping up and down for absolutely no reason. She'd simply shrug and say she's high on air. Her high-ness can really get on her friends' nerves but also be very contagious. She is very impatient and sometimes demands too much (eg. threatening me to write another post). Although she can be a princess at times, she is a very bright and caring girl. She is a valuable friend whom her friends can not live without (cheesy, I know).

THE END.
Why? Because I'm tired and I can't be bothered writing any more than that.




#34 I judge books by their covers.

Toasting Marshmallows With A Blow Torch ^^

One of the crazy things I have tried to and will do. Having I around is pretty awesome. I remember lighting a small apple-plum-cherry? (it was a weird fruit) on fire when we were little. And that was using a candle, LOL. Last night, I had a packet of marshmallows just sitting there but I thought it was too sweet and boring to just eat it like that. I told my cousin that I wanted to have have a campfire at that moment simply to roast marshmallows. Then he went on about the huge marshmallows they use at scouts. So while we were joking about using a blow torch instead, we were just that crazy enough to do it ^^ Our marshmallows were slightly golden with pink and orange swirls; crunchy on the outside and soft and warm on the inside. I have never tried a marshmalloew heated over a campfire, but this one will do for now. One day, I will obtain a real toasted marshmallow and slowly savour every moment, hahas.

Park Bom's Don't Cry music video never fails to make me cry no matter how many times I watch it. And After School's Shampoo music video never fails to make me go "ngaawwww" every time and leave me wanting more. And 2NE1's Lonely never fails to make me sing along. Did not watch How I Met Your Mother at all this weekend. You guys proud? Anyways, since a certain someone is bugging me about this post taking so long, I shall end it here.




#33 I find my fear of heights a comfort when I'm upset.

Secrets

Aren't secrets a great and terrible thing? It can tear people apart while on the other hand form a strong bond. It can cause distrust and guilt. It can bring anticipation and excitement. It can break friendships. It can strengthen friendships. With everything that brings a good point, there's a bad point. With every great thing that happens, there's something unexpected waiting. With every choice you make, there's a risk that comes with it. Almost everything in life is in binary. A secret works the same way. We all have our secrets. Some, we hope is never brought to light. Others, are small matters which seem silly to be secrets when they are revealed. But all in all, they are our secrets. Ours to keep; and ours to tell. You choose who knows yours, and you choose whether or not you spread others'. I just hope that people know what is on the line when they make their decision. The power of words is strong. But the power of actions is stronger. Time cannot be rewound, no matter how much we want it to happen. Regret is a heavy burden. One that is not easily lifted.




#32 I want to have something that defines me.

sick sick sick

There is nothing worse than having cramps, a sore throat and hay fever symptoms. Not at my dad's high school 'get together' where they're having a BBQ and hot pot and lots of yummy food :( Instead, I'm at home half doing homework and resting. I'm not home alone though. Cousin, IK, is here and grandma's also home. Grandma was hurrying my parents out the door and saying that instead of going shopping, she's going to play video games with us. And she said this enthusiastically. Haha, I love my grandma. But of course we're not playing video games..

M, you're being a b!tch for not posting your wishlist. You said you would and now you're going back on your word. You say you "don't want anything". So I can't get you anything; I have to get you something that's not anything. And that's hard. Jeeez M, can't you be a little more specific?? :P Actually, how bout we go out and you choose what you want? That'll be easier. Just saying. If not, do you really want us to kidnap you again? And I swear, this time, we'll be better at it cos now we've got experience ;)

So I'm meant to be doing maths homework, but I keep getting distracted. I (as in my cousin, not me) is talking his girlfriend and friends on the phone, and I'm sitting here laughing like hell at their nicknames and their conversations. His friends are, let's say, unique. ==', now he's being an asshole, teasing me about the flowers Rawrr gave me because my grandma's finally sick of seeing them die and is throwing them away now.

Reminiscing now. I miss my baby cousin, R. Even though he's not a baby anymore; year 4 now. He's like my like my little bro cos I used to look after him and I watched him grow up and read books with him and all. Good times. I remember his crying face when my dad went to their house to pick I and E up so we can go to school together, and R wasn't old enough to go to school but he would come out of the house with his little backpack on hoping that he could go to school with us. Oh, and now I'm thinking about when I, E, D and me were little and we had some really good times together. Remembering when we climbed the wall and swing. And now we're having a D&M. Talking about depression and finding out secrets about ourselves and others. Talking about grandpa, the past, ghosts and his MacBook Air. Haven't had a talk with my bro like this in ages. It's nice :)




#31 I'm afraid of the dark after watching a scary movie

Nostalgia

So I haven't been online for a while. Opened internet explorer and read about Selena Gomez being rushed to the hospital after an interview because it was on my homepage. It said that she felt nauseous, and then it subtly mentioned Justin Bieber's name. And what are they suggesting there?? ;) LOL.

Checked my spammed inbox next and saw a message from Neopets. Haven't received a message from them in years. So out of boredom, I read it. It said that because I asked so kindly for a reminder of my username and password, they sent me one. First thought: WTF?, I didn't do that. Then out of curiosity, I went onto the website and signed in. I think my neopets have been in "dying" for years now... Looked at my profile and saw the crap I wrote there as a child when it was 'cool' to write in crappy phonetic english eg. using 2 instead of 'to', and 'skool' instead of 'school' etc. So while I was reading this crap, I just laughed at how stupid it all was. On the page, the past me told the present me to take a look at my bebo page. And so I did. More crappy english and stupid ideas really. It was all quite nostalgic.

Watched more How I Met Your Mother. It is soooooo funny. Tutor was alright. Oh oh oh oh, got 1st place in maths test at tutor ^^ but the percentage was wasn't very high so I guess it isn't very impressive. Forgot my calculator today, and I couldn't do almost every question in class... such crap mental maths. Waited a while to get picked up after tutor and since it was cold and someone was smoking outside, I went to the chinese grocery shop and bought 99cents lollies. Yup, those really addictive ones we had at J's place. This time, I bought other flavours to try ;) Would've brought them to the picnic but...

Picnic on Monday is cancelled so I get more sleep ^^ Feel so lazy and tired today. My mum thinks there's something wrong with me... Great, my tummy hurts :( You know what's so crap about being a girl? Getting periods. Why? Because you get cramps which sometimes get so bad that you can't focus on work and all you want to do is curl up in bed. But no, you can't do that because you're at school or tutor and your teacher is looking at you thinking what the hell is wrong with you. And on top of that, fatigue. You get so tired that when you arrive home, you just die on the couch or on your bed. But no, you can't do that either because the teacher was being a b!tchy and has to give you homework. Oh, there's also when your hormones go crazy and you get too sensitive about things and you PMS and your skin goes terribly wrong. Omg, so happy there's no school tomorrow or the day after. So happy it's a long weekend. Time to die. Don't want to do anything. Just want to curl up in bed and hibernate...





#30 I am like a drunk-tard when I'm half asleep; personal information, secrets and other weird things just blurt out. Really, there isn't much of a difference between the two besides the hangover and remembering what happened the night before.

Stay Here Forever

Love that song ^^ Love the lyrics ^^ Love you <3 ;) Okay, I'm retarded; I know I know. So hello there Mother, Mommy, and Mom (and Step-mommy but seriously doubt you're reading this). AND of course some random retard :P Watching too much Avatar ==' Soooo addicted. Help please :) Omg, this ep of Avatar is sooo good ^^ Zuko's getting jealous because some guys were chatting to Mei. It's so cute! ^^ But so sad as well... I'm acutally feeling a little bad for Azula 'cause she's never treated like a normal girl. But yeh, enough about that. Jealousy; a strange feeling really. Just randomly thought of that.

5 TIPS FOR PEOPLE IN GENERAL
1. When someone offers you a mint, take it. It doesn't matter whether or not you think you need it ;)
2. When someone needs a mint, subtly offer them one. If they decline, insist on them taking it, but if they decline again, sigh and walk away ;)
3. No matter how much someone denies their jealousy, a part of them is jealous.
4. When a girl gets mad for absolutely no apparent reason, she's most likely PMS-ing. However, when she's mad at just you, you probably did something wrong.
5. The smallest things can make a person smile. They might not show it, but it's there. So think about what you've done at the end of the day and realise that you've made someone's day just that little bit brighter ^^




#29 I want to be a child forever.