Confuzzling

'Confuzzling' is my now part of my vocabulary.
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Following from fact #9, I shall explain why it is that I am afraid of love.

Love for family: Losing someone dear to you is heartbreaking and you will never forget the feeling that you get. Losing family is beyond heartbreak because they are the ones who love you unconditionally (and you love them back), and know you better than most people do. I never want to experience the loss of someone/s that important but that's not likely to occur/that already happened <-- does this make sense? Anyway, loving someone that deeply and then suddenly losing them is a sort of pain I absolutely hate. That's why I am afraid of love. Because I'm afraid of that pain. (NB: does this remind you of study skills?) Love for non-family: As mentioned above, it is heartbreaking to lose someone you love. I don't know how painful it is to lose a friend, but I can imagine. Now, how painful would it be to lose that special someone you love? How hurt would you be if they fell out of love with you? How guilty would you feel if it was you who fell out of love with them? How much would you hate yourself for hurting them that way? Love is a wonderful thing, but it's also very scary. I guess I'm pretty foolish to think about all this. But it scares me. It truly does.

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Since we're on the topic of love... Story time... (NB: THIS IS A STORY, HENCE "STORY TIME")

I had liked him for a while. However, I believed he didn't feel the same way. Unrequited love makes people wonder whether they're good enough for anyone. I wanted to forget about him and focus on my life, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that unless I knew for sure (100%) that he didn't feel anything. Problem was I didn't have the courage to tell him that I liked him for fear that even the slightest hope of reciprocated love would vanish. So instead, I tried to find out who it was that HE liked. After a few days, I just got the feeling that he could be in love with my friend.

I woke up this morning with a decision. I decided that I was going to get over the guy I had a crush on. I was convinced that this guy was in love with one of my best friends, so I decided to take the chance to move on. Moving on. That sounded good. I spent the entire morning wondering how to forget about him. I tried to avoid him as best I could without making it seem obvious. I was obviously really bad at NOT acting suspicious because everyone said that I looked depressed. I really did not want to cause all that attention so I just told them I was fine. I spent the whole of the morning and some of the afternoon trying to erase this guy from my heart. But he noticed me looking sad and decided to talk to me. I really didn't want him to talk to me. For every second he was beside me, it undid the work of an hour. Why did he have to be so nice?? I wanted to run. Run to some place where no one could find me, and re-erase him from my mind. But that would be suspicious and just draw more attention, so I stayed where I was. I told him that I guessed he liked my friend. He told me that it was me who he liked. I didn't believe him. There's no way he'd like me when my friend was obviously the perfect girl. The thing that really allowed me to get on with forgetting him was when my friend saw that he had written my friend's name next to his (hint hint). I didn't believe he liked me.


So, this is how the story begins. Should I continue to write? I don't think so. It'd probs die like the other one I tried to write.






Since we're on this topic, here's one that is sorta related:
#10 I love my friends but I don't think I tell them enough.